[JoshCube]

To make a long story short, I was a famous internet troll back in the day that ended up being a meme, which was back in 2006. I still have been trolling till this day although I'm a little bit of a retired veteran, but I am thinking about stopping it completely. The reason why I troll is because I find it very hilarious, and amusing. Although it is fun and games, I've noticed that it lowers my self esteem when I put other people down, and I get flashbacks of negative things that people say to me. It typically ruins my whole day, and I just don't like thinking negative 24/7.

Oddly, this trolling behavior for many years drastically changed my mentality. Its hard to explain, but when I walk into a store, or a community, I have these negative thoughts that rush through my head. Some of these thoughts include seeing people get emotionally hurt, physically hurt, or humiliated. I had to force myself to stop thinking this way, because it just made me feel like a terrible person. In other words, if I see another person get hurt, I am hurt myself.

For example, there was a time I trolled an online band that was making rap music, and I started slandering their community for fun. One of the band members got pissed and called me a bunch of names, and I had tears in my eyes when I was getting ready to go asleep. Not that because of what he said to me, but because what I did. I was so upset that I apologized to the owner, and told him what I was doing.

I can't do the pranks anymore, I just can't. Thinking positive every day has helped me see myself in a new way. I guess I am ready for a life change.

[kaliope]

I am glad you had this insight and want to make yourself a better person. good job and good luck

[Emptinesswithin]

I can deeply appreciate a post of genuine contrition from an internet troll, on a psychology board to boot. I am so torn by your "anguish," that my bottom lip is trembling. Yet at the same time, I also experience another sensation about this "cry for help" which I can also appreciate, since I also suffer from the illness of having to amuse myself. I am happy to hear that you are suddenly experiencing guilt, shame, empathy and remorse after a decade of trolling. Usually cyberpaths do not experience feelings like this (or any feelings, for that matter), which makes you very, very, very unique.

Allow me to pass you a cyber tissue so you can let it all out. It's okay to cry.