Celebrity Obsession

I have always had an obsession with a celebrity from the time I wad five years old. It'll go back and forth mostly, although I never "get over" or "stop loving" them. I know it's weird and irrational but I cannot help it. Mostly it's musicians, but I've had a few actors as well. One that I'm not so embarrassed to tell you about was Josh Hartnett. I had framed pictures on my wall. I loved him so much. My mom's boyfriend knew I liked him and made me watch Pearl Harbor, knowing he dies at the end. I cried so hard and saluted flags for a month. I was 12. I was much worse when I was younger. I believed my posters could hear and see me, like they had cameras in them. I would kiss and talk to them. When I was about 13, my mom's boyfriend (same as mentioned above) was throwing one of his psycho fits, I closed myself in my closet with my cds of a certain group and cried, hoping they'd hear and save me. I write a lot of fan fictions that help me deal with it, even though I've never finished one. Lately I've realized the one I really love more than anything has been in my life as long as I can remember. He is everything to me. I would do anything for him. I think about him constantly, whether I want to or not. I picture him with me constantly or how if things were different how he'd love me. He recently got married and I'm still trying to deal, knowing I'll probably never fully accept it. I keep trying to tell myself to be happy as long as he is, but it's still very painful. I check his Facebook and Twitter multiple times every day to see if he's posted. I have over a hundred pictures of him on my phone, I watch every interview I can. I read everything i can to get to know him. I drove 45 minutes away to buy his book. He has a hold on me like no one ever has. I don't know who I'd be if I didn't have this wrong with me. I don't wanna give him up, but I don't wanna hurt so much. Thanks for reading -Anna