[notinreality]

First to say i'm a male, under 25, won't write story for you, will just make some points of what I have experienced or how other would describe me. I know there's something wrong with me, could be a disorder, but wouldn't know which one. any input would be appreciated.

-Grew up moving from house to house within the same city
-not an only child, 2nd of 3
-Father worked nights more of the calm type
-Mother was a stay at home, very strict growing up
-there was some marital issues that I can easily rememeber and that have had some sort of affect on me, parents would be up at 5am talking and I could overhear at times it would be them arguing at times just regular talks
-growing up I was scared they would get separated
-growing up was afraid of being in elevators or being locked in a room without ever getting out, it would panic me
-had to go seek help in order to help prevent the scares and to help me get over it, at times I would be in the room and I would get asked how i'm feeling, and there was times where I wouldn't say nothing, or I would get angry for even being there thinking I didn't need the help this was around age 13-14ish
-I hated not getting things my way and to this day I somewhat still do, I would lash out in anger if it didn't go my way, I would bash the tv controller against the wall over and over or anything I could grab that was an object
-I never really had any friends in elementary school, I was too shy I suppose, never really learned to socialize
-from around age 13-14 I had nightmares of someone getting raped or killed (I wasn't doing the horrific things) because there was a series of rapes going on this salvation army my parents would go, it was scary to think about it that might have traumatized me for a bit
-was self-self-consicious growing up due to severe acne, I would get get ridiculed for it & I would want to steer away from people
-would just worry about things in life constatnly for no reason
-never really had a connection with people
-my ex called me a psychopath which I disagree since they don't feel, I somewhat do or maybe I kind of just mimicked her feelings which is what she said this was around age 17 she said I was too controlling & paranoid about things
-I can be paranoid about things or overthink things but they pass on
-from peers now I get told i'm very charming, a time bomb, open, strange at times, intelligent, kind
-never really shared any of my feelings with family or relatives, just a friend, the best friend
-he understands when I get mad that you better not be in my way because of my aggresive nature that comes out, he leaves the house entirely.
-have had 2 girlfriends, both who I don't think of they kind of just & go
-if I talk with someone, i want to make them fall in love with me, then I kind of just go ghost on them & never talk to them again leaving them clueless
-had terrible grades in high school to the point i almost got kicked out, but thankfully I graduated

inputs? thanks guys and gals!

[Skeezyks]

Hello notinreality: Welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to gain support as well as to obtain mental health related information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll get out of the time you spend here.

I am disinclined to comment with regard to what, if any, diagnosis your description of yourself may suggest. From my perspective, the question is: are you comfortable with the way your life is going & how you are functioning day-to-day. If so, then it really doesn't matter what diagnosis someone might suggest for you. I recall, years ago, having a psychology professor in college who said that everyone carries around psychological pathology of one sort or another. Most of us manage to function successfully in spite of it. It's only when it becomes an impediment to our ability to function day-to-day that it rises to the level of a "mental illness". If you feel like the various difficulties you have experienced in the past, & are experiencing now, are making it difficult for you to function successfully day-in & day-out, then it may be worth seeking out a counselor or therapist who can help you to better understand what's going on with you. At least these are my thoughts. And in addition, of course, keep posting here on PC!

[notinreality]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello notinreality: Welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to gain support as well as to obtain mental health related information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll get out of the time you spend here.

I am disinclined to comment with regard to what, if any, diagnosis your description of yourself may suggest. From my perspective, the question is: are you comfortable with the way your life is going & how you are functioning day-to-day. If so, then it really doesn't matter what diagnosis someone might suggest for you. I recall, years ago, having a psychology professor in college who said that everyone carries around psychological pathology of one sort or another. Most of us manage to function successfully in spite of it. It's only when it becomes an impediment to our ability to function day-to-day that it rises to the level of a "mental illness". If you feel like the various difficulties you have experienced in the past, & are experiencing now, are making it difficult for you to function successfully day-in & day-out, then it may be worth seeking out a counselor or therapist who can help you to better understand what's going on with you. At least these are my thoughts. And in addition, of course, keep posting here on PC!

Sorry quote everything, I can say I don't like where my life is going, I've taken fond of being in the dark with my thoughts, it sometimes can affect tasks I'm doing & I'll day dream into a fantasy, I often get told by people that I look lost or out of it at times. I only work 3 days out of the week, leaving me alone with my thoughts wondering what is it that is wrong with me. I had old bad traits such as stalking, being eccentric with my behavior, that often people will look at me like I'm a loony or just plain stupid.