[Fuzzybear]

What is a scapegoat?

And why do people use and misuse (abuse??) other people as scapegoats??

Is that EVER justified?

PS as I mentioned in other posts I was the family scapegoat. I do not feel safe to give details at this point.

[silver_queen]

You already know what a scapegoat is since you have said you know you were the family scapegoat...

I think people use others as scapegoats so that they don't have to face themselves as who they are as people. It is easier to blame another, weaker person (as you would have been then, as a child (?) than now... though even if you weren't a child, family can always have emotional holds over relatives). Then they don't have to face their own shortcomings and weaknesses. And of course, if they're blaming somebody else, and see them always making mistakes, then they can feel justified in always putting down that person...

[Direction]

[silver_queen]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
silver_queen said:
And of course, if they're blaming somebody else, and see them always making mistakes, then they can feel justified in always putting down that person...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
By that I don't mean the person is actually making mistakes, but that they are perceived as doing so.

[Cheri]

I was the family scapegoat, too, Fuzzybear. I think Silver Queen's explanation rings true. In my family, it's always been important to certain people to see themselves as normal, or perfect, which meant someone else had to play the roll of the dysfunctional person so any negative thoughts or attention would be displaced on them.

The scapegoat is probably the sanest member of the family, but thats JMO.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks Cheri

Thanks Silver, your explanation makes sense....

Direction

[amysmom9098]

Hi. Your message reminded me of my own situation. Several people in my family suffer from emotional disorders, but since theirs impairs their day to day functioning less than mine, I am somehow seen as the evil one. My dad used to push me, shove me up against the wall, and once even punched me and knocked me to the ground in order to "control" my emotional outbursts. My mother still tells me to this day that this was all necessary to keep me under control, but I feel weird about it.

My family has also helped me out a lot and done so many things that other familys would not do for someone with my problems so that makes it even more confusing. I know that I have been abused in some manner, but am confused by all the good things they have done for me. So I'm not sure whether I love my parents or not. I am just very confused by the whole situation. They still blame me for a lot of the stuff that went on while I was growing up, and imply that I'm unfeeling and ungrateful.

I'm so confused. Does anyone have any suggestions? I would like a relationship with my family but I am not sure how to let go of all the stuff that they have done to me, since they have never admitted any wrong.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to Psych Central hon and thanks so much for your reply.
I find issues like this very confusing, having been brought up in a dystunctional household where blame and denial were unremitting.... but I hope someone else has some helpful ideas..

[Juliaspavlov]

hope I'm not putting any spanner in the works...Originally a scapegoat was a religious thing in the Israelite nation. They put the sins of the nation onto the goat so to speak(I don't want to be too graphic) and sent the goat off into the wilderness to take the sins away. ...then if it's ok to say in (true) Christianity then Jesus became the scapegoat for us. He took our sins onto him and died for all the nations. So one soon day his having done that will mean there will be no death ,as death is a sentence for sin...so a scapegoat became a good thing..........but no one should be a scapegoat nowadays...and I feel for you.....nowadays many treated as scapegoats....are also like black sheep of the family....also a horrible position to be in....luv and concern for you all....please ignore this if it makes you feel bad... .....Jjulia

[Rapunzel]

((((((( Fuzzy )))))))))

It hurts not having a supportive, loving family. You didn't deserve to be treated as a scapegoat, and you still don't deserve to be treated that way. I don't know how to change your family since I don't even know them, and it doesn't sound like they are interested much in change. All you can change is you and your reactions to them, and how much you even interact with them at all. I'm sorry that they are like that. If you want to PM me, maybe you could tell me more about what they tried to blame you for, and how you reacted to it. I agree with the other responses. People make someone a scapegoat when they don't want to take responsibility for their own mistakes. In a family it can be a way of denying the family dysfunction by claiming that all the problems pertain to one family member. I have found that that is almost never true, however. You might be interested in reading about Family Systems theory.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks Julia and Rap!!