[Mouse_]

AARrgg dont leave me I will cease to ever be able to enjoy life if you do...arrgg don't leave me It feels me full of shame when you reject me...aaarrgg dont leave but I wish you were already gone then I wouldnt have to feel ths pain...I hate you dont leave me...arrggg why do I feel only YOU can help me?....aarrgg why don't I get up and do something for myself and just forget this??...aarrggg why do I torture myself so?....why do I want you so much when I am only thinking of me??....arrgg someone please shoot me

[Mouse_]

so I just did something for myself...I walked in the cold rain to the chemist to get my daughters scrpt filled...could have took the car but walked...sat in the chemist thinking well this is progress you haven't bought any money out with you to get any codiene your gonna suffer the pain...your gonna learn to do something for yourself.... no matter how angry you feel about that....nothing or no one is ever gonna so it for you! ..yeah well we';re see how I feel as this situation continues..;perhaps thank the person involved for giving me the chance to work through my pain..maybe this is the greatest gift they could give me to walk away...even though they promised they never would, that there was nothing I could do to push them away...pppffttt

[Mouse_]

so I'm getting flashbacks to a time when I cut my knee and wanted my mum to care about me and she wouldnt lift her head up from what she was reading and I ran out into the yard hoping that she would follow and she didnt and I cried and she still didnt come so I sorted my knee out myself and the anger ffrm that time??????

[Rapunzel]

(((((( Mouse )))))))

You will make it if you keep trying this hard. It isn't easy, but you are a fighter and you will be able to take care of yourself. It might feel like you can't count on anyone sometimes, but you can always count on yourself to come through for you.

[RiverX]

Well done Mouse, you''re getting through it!

I do id with these levels of extremes. I been in and out of withdrawal from relationship addiction, well, thats part of my thing. Those withdrawals can be v. painful, but you can do it, from the way you're talinking you understand a lot.

How do you feel you are getting on towards a long term solution? I ask, because I myself have spent what seems forever on the brink of breaking through. What is it that you do exactly that you are calling controling?

river

(rap, I'll get back to you re the other thing when I've got more time to do it properly).

[Perna]

You remind me of when I bit the camp counselor (she said nothing could hurt her so all the kids were bending her fingers back, pinching her, etc. and I got the idea to bite her and we were all doing that) and she went and "told" the camp nurse who came and started yelling at me and berating me furiously, obviously without the whole story as to who started this dumb activity (yes, I am a rabid dog and deliberarly bit a person without warning? Come on, adults, use your heads!) and it was the last day of camp and I so wanted my stepmother to come and yell at the nurse who'd made me cry and to whom I couldn't explain or argue with as she was a powerful adult. But my stepmother couldn't come that last day of camp when everyone else's mother came and was looking at their projects and what they'd done and beaming proudly and I was all alone and miserable. I had to take the camp bus home as usual but on this day there were only 2 other campers whose family hadn't come to pick them up instead of the usual 25-30.

[Susan27]

God I never realized how triggering these posts could be until you read things, like yours, and a coupe others i've ready today, and i can relate to the experiences and feelings so well that you find yourself wanting to say to the person, like i feel i want to say to you WHAT DO WE DO???

I can't stand feeling so dependent that the mere thought of them leaving makes me feel that i will not make it. i'll die.