[psychgirl]

I find that I'm just really different than other people around me. I mean I'm 20 but I have never dated anyone. I used to have some friends back in high school but I don't really have any left anymore. I mean I'm just really introverted and it's really hard for me to open up to people. I don't have any close friends. I am really shy. I have low self-esteem.

I don't like going out. When we have activities at our school, I usually find plenty of excuses to not go because if I go, I'll just be having anxiety about it days before. And when I do go, most of the time I'll just be hoping for it to end so I can get back home and like just be alone or with my family.

I know I remember back in high school I used to be teased a lot and I think that affected me and might be in part a possible reason for my low self-esteem.

I don't know what is going on with me. I thought at first it was only my being shyness but I've come to think about the possibility of me having a condition beside just shyness.

Any help on that would be highly appreciated. Thanks in advance !

[sassypants]

It sounds like social anxiety. Maybe you should talk to a pysch dr. or a counselor.

I know when I use to work I always avoided every work- related social function. It just caused me a lot of stress and I did not want to be with some people that I work with.

good luck, and hope you can get answers soon.

[psychgirl]

The thing is I'm not sure if that's really social anxiety given that I don't have like physical signs of it when I'm in a social environment, at least as far as I'm aware.

Anyone here experienced something similar ?

[Perna]

You sound like me when I was 20 (I'm 57 now :-) and I was treated for General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

I would go to your school counseling center and talk to someone and see what you can see. I had my biggest problems at 20 and started counseling then (1970) and just finished therapy in 2005. What are you studying in school? Are you comfortable with the idea of going out "into the world" and starting life on your own, getting a job, etc.? I had enormous trouble with that. But I didn't date and didn't have many friends and didn't get married until I was 39 but I'm perfect now :-)

[Rapunzel]

Social Anxiety or GAD are good possibilities given what you described. Another disorder that can be related is Avoidant Personality Disorder. I have been diagnosed with all three of the above at various times, and I do relate to what you are describing.

If you are in college, chances are that there is a student counseling center and there will be someone there who can help you with this. I think that a lot of young people have these symptoms to various extents, and university counseling centers are often quite experienced in treating social anxiety symptoms.

Individual counseling can help a lot, but I really would recommend group work for you. I was very scared about the idea of group therapy, and you might not like that idea right now either, but it would most likely be a group with people like you who would understand how you feel because they have a lot of the same symptoms. You can learn skills together and practice them with each other that way. My only regret about going to a group for social skills was that I joined the group at the end of a semester and the group ended way too soon.

Oh, and I tend not to notice my anxiety symptoms either, until someone points them out to me. I override them, or ignore them. It does sound like you are having some distress though, and it is interfering with your life. It doesn't matter so much what diagnosis you get, but there is help for this and it can be very effective.

Let us know how what you decide to do, or if you need help finding resources!

Rap

[psychgirl]

Are you comfortable with the idea of going out "into the world" and starting life on your own, getting a job, etc.?

Well I still live with my parents. I don't really like like going to the shopping center or public places when alone but I am able to if I have to. I don't really like when we have visitors at home. I often tend to see people as sorta like hating me or not liking me. I'm already had jobs before though and one of them was in public.

And Rapunzel, what kind of symptoms did you have ? People just notice that I'm quiet generally in groups and that I don't talk a lot, that's all.

[ECHOES]

You're at an age where you can have a strong fear of becoming independent and having your own life. The fear can cause avoidance in all or only some areas. It's not uncommon and can be helped with counselling.

[Rapunzel]

The one thing that other people would notice about me is that I was very quiet and tended to stay by myself. I had people observe that I seemed to be tired all the time, and maybe I was, but I was more afraid of rejection and feeling unwanted. I still don't talk a lot, and tend to try to stay out of the way. My therapist now often comments on my long, awkward silences being socially inappropriate. I had a lot of depression too, and I remember believing that the whole world hated me. In Junior High, I spent lunch hours in the bathroom, crying. Almost anything that another kid said to me, I interpreted as some kind of criticism or attack or put-down.

But I always wanted to have friends and be accepted. I was just afraid of the pain of either rejection or losing them to moving away or something. When I was 9, we moved away from a place where I had a best friend, but also was bullied by other kids. When we moved, I vowed not to try to make friends anymore because it hurt too much.

One of my supervisors/professors in college told me that I didn't have adequate social skills to be in a social sciences field (I had a dual major in psychology and communicative disorders). When I didn't get accepted to graduate school in speech pathology, I gave up on education and career, and sank into depression for a long time. But now I have been working in mental health fields for the past three years, and I'll finish my master's degree in mental health counseling in less than a year from now. All I have left is the internship. So, my point is don't accept limits on what you can do. I'm overcoming the problems that had me stopped in my tracks for a long time. You can do anything that you want to. You just might need some good supports right now, like maybe counseling and a social skills group.

Do your parent support you in getting help? What are they like?