[violet66]

I don't like talking to people in real life or on the phone. I refuse to make friends because a) I don't like people ( I have a hard time finding people who are not phony/immoral), and b) The people I meet are bland and uninteresting. They are nice on the surface but never seem interested in getting to know me either.

Being a parent has forced me to deal with people more and I hate it.

[Perna]

Hey, violet, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

I've had a lot of trouble all my life with talking to people on the phone and I'm shy when I first meet someone because it's difficult to gauge what to say and how to get past the "bland and uninteresting" beginning parts to the meat :-) It's a difficult problem, knowing how and how much to tell about one's self and how to ask others about themselves in such a way so they can tell us something worth following up with. My T tried to get across to me that it takes time to get to know someone, you can't immediately become friends the first time you meet in a casual situation.

I'm going to a party this afternoon at a neighbor's I only know a bit and will no doubt meet other neighbors and I'm worried what to say to them, how to converse. My husband doesn't say much of anything to people he doesn't know well so I'll have to be the conversationalist of the two of us :-) Scary stuff and I imagine I won't feel like I did a very good job of it when I get home and will be embarrassed for awhile.

[VoNPD]

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Perna said:Scary stuff and I imagine I won't feel like I did a very good job of it when I get home and will be embarrassed for awhile.

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I feel the same way you both do. I don't make friends very easily - when I try I just feel so inadequate or rehash what I said or did looking for my 'stupidity'.

My closest friends (both of them) use me more often than not. It's so one-sided.

Others that I think I might like to be friends with end up being ninnies or weaklings or I find some reason to distrust them.

This is my action item for the new year: work on my social skills.

[teejai]

I have only ever had one definite non internet friend since being an adult and that was my late wife.
Didn't have any friends as child except for one when i was at prep school(English boarding).

I manage to interact better with people online and have one or two people i consider online friends as opposed to acquaintances.
Have always had problems initiating/taking the lead in conversations and never been that good at small talk.. The internet eases some of those problems but doesn't eliminate them.

[_Hope_]

i agree violet, I have trouble with fake people.

Linda

[mazer]

OMG Im so like you,I hate being in a social situation,I dont have any friends at all,found out people are 2 faced to me as Im a nice person and get walked over ! So I avoid people now,maybe Im just weird !I cannot start conversations at all either. My CPN , HV etc say all you need is friends and you will feel better ! I dont think so somehow !

[VoNPD]

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mazer said:
OMG Im so like you,I hate being in a social situation,I dont have any friends at all,found out people are 2 faced to me as Im a nice person and get walked over ! So I avoid people now,maybe Im just weird !I cannot start conversations at all either.

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This describes me exactly. thanks mazer!

[Susan27]

describes me too! i can't stand superficial people and really only enjoy ppl that want to be real and hit depths of connection, and that is hard to find. perhaps we are more like that here on this site. just the fact that we're reaching out to others, like us, to discuss the deeper stuff we deal with in life.

[BLUIENAVYGIRLIE]

I absolutely fit in this profile!
I seem to have a very hard time with socializing with others.
I used to socialize back when I was in elementary to junior high school but all this has changed for me.
My so-called friends were being 2 faced to me, played cruel games , etc...
My husband kept telling me over and over that kids do stupid things back in school but they change and mature as they become older...
But I remember 1 certain friend that hasn't changed at all...