[teejai]

No/very few replies to your posts= anxiously wondering just how much people dislike you and how stupid they think you are for having made them in the first place .

The more rational explanations get submerged

Well I see no reason to dislike you ! Maybe people dont really have anything to say ? Or shy about posting ? It could be lots of things ....

Hugs.

Oh and by the way I too have made threads and got one ONE reply ! It was hurtfull but i rationalised that it is not me that anyone is getting at, cos they dont know me ! Its just the way things are somtimes.

[Perna]

So, teejai, what are you going to do with this information you discovered about yourself

[RozG]

sometimes people just don't know what to say.

sometimes people are not in a good enough place to say anything.

sometimes all people can do is give or

sometimes people are too scared to do even that.

sometimes we all worry about not getting responses.

sometimes it does good to post and tell folks that.


(((((( teejai ))))))

[teejai]

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Tishie said:
Well I see no reason to dislike you ! Maybe people dont really have anything to say ? Or shy about posting ? It could be lots of things ....

Hugs.

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Insecurity and the subsequent anxiety/paranoia and irrationality doesn't always make it easy to grasp those things.
Also i am ashamed to admit that although i can baulk at posting a reply myself through feeling shy/insecure/that i feel i have nothing of value to say it's not always easy to put myself in another person's shoes when it comes to them experiencing a similar kind of thing.
Whether that's a T.O.M issue or not i don't know.

[teejai]

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Perna said:
So, teejai, what are you going to do with this information you discovered about yourself

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That kind of question tends to throw me .

[SystemAurora]

Sometimes people just aren't sure what to say or can't relate. Sometimes if you find an active message board specifically devoted to whatever you're asking about you'll get more answers... sometimes not. Take care.

[Perna]

Are you going to post anyway, knowing the paranoia isn't real? Are you going to concentrate on the post and what you want instead of on what other people are doing/thinking? Are you going to remember the "more rational explanations get submerged" and dive/look for them?

Biggest thing I try to remember is that no one is going to change what they think of me as the result of just one post. Think about it; that's just 1/400ths of what they know you are. The more you post, the more people get to know you and get comfortable with you and you with them so there's less anxiety and paranoia.

[teejai]

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Perna said:
Are you going to post anyway, knowing the paranoia isn't real?

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I'll post times when i don't think i have anything of interest or value to say/can't think of what to say aside because tendency to paranoia aside without involvement in forums such as this i'd feel even more isolated than i already am.

Recently i was put forward for a 'befriending' service which is a means of trying to reduce isolation for people with mental illness and to encourage social activities.
A 'befriender's' role is described [http://www.goodcompanions.org.uk/role.htm]here[/url]

"Role Description

‘To act as a companion to someone who may be feeling isolated and lonely as a consequence of their mental ill health, supporting them in social and leisure activities’


One of the problems i have is i find it hard to interact with others on a face to face basis and indeed the majority of my 'face to face' interaction occurs via three 2 hours or so groups via the mh centre and the weekly visit to see my brother and mother.
I have never found it easy to make friends even from when i was young .
Aside from those i tend to only see other people in passing ie in the lift or when out shopping.
Indeed if i get into one of my 'I don't want to go out the door/don't feel like getting dressed' frames of mind it can be several days before i see or hear from another person(ubiquitous telephone cold callers aside).
Indeed many an extended weekend period i've been totally isolated for 3-4 days.

Occasionally i phone my father in Charlotte but usually he diverts me to my step mum who can speak 200 words a minute without drawing for breath.
I also occasionally phone my mother and brother but the conversations are usually very short ie couple of minutes or so.

My mother phones me occasionally and my father very occasionally. In my mother's case it's more often or not to ask that i come over on a different day that week or to ask that i get X Y Z etc for her. She almost never just phones to see how i am doing.

I have very little contact with my sister either face to face/phone/or email wise.

Though i can find it hard at times to cope emotionally with forum interactions and sometimes retreat into isolation/going to cut myself off mode it's comparatively easier than face to face interactions and does alibi in a virtual way reduce the social isolation a little though how much is variable.

[Perna]

That's great you were put forward to be part of the befriending service! You going to do it? I don't have as much trouble talking to people if I feel like they're "worse" off in a sense than I am.

One thing I keep forgetting is that other people don't automatically make friends easily either; lots of people are shy or uncertain (if you don't know someone you don't know them, that's not easier for anyone else in that situation?) but they go ahead. I like to "practice" and get into conversations with clerks in stores sometimes, especially the grocery store; just ask how many more hours they have to work or until their break, etc. or talk about the weather. I practice looking at their nametag without them seeing me looking so I can then say "Thank you, Name" when I'm leaving with my groceries, that sort of thing. Practicing with people who aren't as threatening and where there are "rules" of engagement and I'll be leaving soon, etc. goes well so slightly harder interactions are easier to try later.

[teejai]

I'm in the process of being 'befriended' as opposed to being a 'befriender'.

[Perna]

That's good, gives you an easier way to get to know one person in a pleasant, social setting. Is it the Scottish network organization? http://www.befriending.co.uk/index.html

I think we're too individualistic for our own good in the U.S., we don't have many organizations like that I don't think or they're individual (like Big Brothers/Big Sisters) and not part of a good umbrella group like this looks like. We have things for children but not often for adults too.

[teejai]

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Perna said:
That's good, gives you an easier way to get to know one person in a pleasant, social setting. Is it the Scottish network organization? http://www.befriending.co.uk/index.html

I think we're too individualistic for our own good in the U.S., we don't have many organizations like that I don't think or they're individual (like Big Brothers/Big Sisters) and not part of a good umbrella group like this looks like. We have things for children but not often for adults too.

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No it's Good companions which operates in the Southend on sea area .

[Mouse_]

teejai, I think you've taken a big step in talking about yourself here!. I live about 25miles from southend. I like to go down there and have a little browse around the town centre, then I go and sit on the beach with the sounds or should I say screams of Peter Pan's adventour playground in the distance LOL!....I hope the befriending goes well for you, its important to have some contact with someone during the week or we feel we are disappearing up our own bums...