Somebody please help? Why won't my paranoia go away?

It is going to sound so complicated probably pathetic to most of you who will read this. I am only 17 years old but please don't think i am some loved up teenage girl who just wants to be loved. If you can understand what i mean by that. I have a boyfriend, i have been with him for about 8 months now. We are really happy, get on really well as a couple and as friends. Its just recently my head has been driving me crazy. In the summer my boyfriend went away with his friends to a plce called Newquay for a week for a holiday. You can imagine down there they lived a life of alcohol and clubbing. One night my boyfriend got extremely drunk and ended up kissing this girl. I found out the night he came home. I was devastaed. I had thought maybe something could happen from me being away for two weeks before hand on holiday and then he went away. plus being a 17 year old boy and very drunk i could imagine something may happen. Everyone told me that he wasn't like that and that they could never imagine him doing something like that which made it worse when i found out. We overcame it though and we stayed together. We find it easy to talk about what happened and i did find out the first night he was home. We got back to normal and everything was fine. However recently i haven't been very happen within myself. I find it easy to cry most of the time, i hate being by myself, i am always thinking about him, i am stressed with a variety of mood swings. I feel depressed. I knew it would be hard to trust him again and i thought it would come with time. However recently i have felt so paranoid and stressed out over him. I can't relax. I feel my head is so messed up and i watch him when we are out convince myself he isn't being himself around me, most of the time when we go out i tel myself its just because his friends re there and i know they put alot of presure on him, you see most of them are single and i feel that they may possibly tease him. I just can't talk to him about it. I don't know if i am so paranoid because i haven't learnt to trust him yet or what. I am so confused. My friends think i am paranoid but i really feel that something has changed in him. I love him alot and i know he loves me but maybe he just needs some space. I am so confused i really think i might have some sort of emotional dperession or paranoia. Can anyone help me? I am getting worse and worse!

I am not sure if I am giving you the right advice, but you know because you are living it. You have to talk to him about the way you feel. If you can't say it write it. Something. I know that you do some pretty messed up stuff when you are drunk. That is actually understandable what happend as long as he doesn't do it again. But, seeing as he told you, he trusts you and he wants you to trust him. Don't feel bad that you are a little paranoid. It will take you time to trust him again. It is like a kid who gets some freedom from their parents and abuses that power. It will take the parents awhile to trust the kid again. But eventually they will trust him and give him the chance again. Talk with him. He is open to listenning just as you were open to listening to him. The reason this is all getting worse is because you are holding it in and letting it eat you alive to the point of paranoya and depression.

People know a little about everything and alot about nothing.

The problem is not you; your boyfriend's actions understandably led to feelings of mistrust. Only after he proves over time that he will not hurt you again may those feelings go away. If you cannot come to grips with what happened, then you will never be happy in this relationship and both of you will end up miserable, and perhaps you should consider looking elsewhere for a partner. There is nothing wrong with this; he chose his actions, drunk or not, knowing how you would feel afterwards, and you should not feel badly about making him live with the consequences, if you so choose. Also, if you think he's acting differently, you are probably right--don't let others tell you how your boyfriend is supposed to act. You know better than them!

You sound EXACTLY like me... im 18... my boyfriend is a couple years younger than me... im a senior and he's a sophomore... though he has never done anything to cause mistrust... im still paranoid ALL THE TIME... except in my reaction to how my mind has been, i've become more paranoid, and therefore more dependant on him... and it is at this time when he decides he needs a bit of space... and wont hang out with me, wont make plans with me for the weekend, wont be with me.... i have the depression and paranoia a lot. If you wanna know how its been for me, my greatestjournal is at http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/bleakredsadness because you really do sound a lot like how i've been for the past few weeks. I hope everything goes better... i would suggest you talk to him about it... (though talking to my boyfriend is the worst because he has no brain) i would tend to assume not ALL guys are like that... since he is the first i've encountered who is the way he is.... i wish you luck... because right now i need the exact same kind of luck....

~Julie

"Sometimes it takes us to the bottom of our misery to understand the truth..."
~Gustav Havel - existentialist