[wyleemonkee]

I'm twenty-six, a full-time student and I work two part-time jobs. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was thirteen, and my dad has borderline personality disorder. I'm scared that I'm getting worse. I am graduating with a triple major this spring and my birthday is coming up this week. I have been dating my boyfriend for over three years and we have lived together for two. Our relationship is strained, partially because we have different long-term goals. I want to get married and have kids, he doesn't. I knew that getting into it, but after three years I'm not feeling as into the relationship... like I'm not getting as much return as he is. I have a really hard time maintaining friendships, especially more than a few months, and I tend to lie. I have gotten better the last few years, but I've started lying again, mostly to my boyfriend. I think I'm trying to sabotage the relationship. We were both thinking about ending it, but we talked and decided we both wanted to stay together. Now, I've been wanting to get a dog for the last few months, and my bf has said no. He recently said it might be okay. I almost brought a dog home a few months ago, but I told him at the last minute (mostly because I couldn't find a ride to the shelter) and I acknowlged how inconsiderate and unnacceptable that kind of behavior is. So this past Thursday I went and met this beautiful English Setter that a family couldn't keep. I convinced them that I was the right home for this poor dog who's had three homes already. I didn't tell my bf I even saw the dog, let along I was planning on bringing him home this morning. I told a bunch of my friend's and the family I nanny for though, so I couldn't back out of it. I brought the dog home when my bf was still sleeping. He came out and asked, "Who's dog is that?" I told him it was mine and he was really mad. He told me that he was going to move out. I totally understand why he's mad, and I can't even justify my actions. I don't know why I didn't tell him. I was scared that he would say no, but when I told him that he said that was even worse. I feel like ****. This is such a bad way to treat a dog. I hate myself and I don't know what to do. Why can't I be functional? I was seeing a therapist at school last term, but I convinced her that I was fine (even though I was seeing her voluntarily) and I'm planning on seeing someone else once they can fit me in the schedule, probably starting next week. I don't think I can fix this one, and I don't know what to say to my friends if my bf does leave me over this. I can't tell the truth. One lie leads to another. I really feel sick.

[StrawberryFieldsss]

Hi there. Welcome.

You don't want to tell the truth because you don't want the backlash from it and I don't blame you at all. Been there, done that.

But being honest is the best way to handle it. You really answered a lot of it for yourself. I'm glad to hear that you are getting into therapy and can talk to someone and be completely honest.

I hope everything works out. Hang in there

[Rapunzel]

Lies build up and tangle you up and create a big, sticky web. But it will keep getting worse until you stop weaving that web. The truth will cut through it and free you. It might be uncomfortable at first, but you will make it, and the freedom of not having to cover for yourself or dread what might happen when so-and-so finds out that what you told them (or didn't tell them) was a deception will be more than worth it. It will feel so much better.

Do you catch yourself lying to yourself too? This boyfriend sounds like he isn't the right one for you because he doesn't want what you want out of life and the relationship. Right? How are you deceiving yourself to keep staying with him so long? Do you convince yourself that marriage and kids aren't really that important to you? Or that he will change his mind?

I wonder if getting the dog is a way of pushing the issues out into daylight so that you will have to deal with them and start living life the way that you really want to. What do you think?