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#1
Jan 03, 2009, 01:51 PM
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People continuously say I'm normal...I'm not really sure if I am...I'm relaly confused...and I am confused a lot. people say I'm normal but I know, deep down, there is a problem with me. I don't feel like being in social situations, and when i am in social situations...I'm not sure how to act...I don't know what ME...is. I'm 19 by the way. Is this normal. I don't have REAL friends....I'm not exactly sure how real friends are supposed to treat you. I'm not exactly sure how I want to be treated. Does anyone understand what I am saying...right now I'm trying to find a new job and I am nervous as hell. It's just a part-time job...but I have huge anxiety over it...I'm afraid that I am not good enough...or that people will judge me because they will say I am quiet...or too shy...I've never had anyone just want to get to know the real me...I don't even know what that is
help...can someone please understand...and save me from this isolation
__________________
 "...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2)  |
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#2
Jan 03, 2009, 03:29 PM
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I can certainly empathise.
Whatever is going on with you, you are young, and there is a lot of healing out there to discover, but some of it isnt really helpful. However, trust your instinncts to take you where you need to go to find what you need to fulfil your real self. pm me if you like too. riverx
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"Strong passions are the precious raw materials of sanctity" Fulton Sheen |
 myoasis89
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#3
Jan 03, 2009, 05:02 PM
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Wow, it's like going back in a time warp.
 I can relate.myoasis, what you describe sounds like what I was dx with at age 18: agoraphobia. Afraid of social situations, afraid of the public, afraid of losing/getting a job. Is there someone you can talk to? If you can just get into a routine (at a job, etc) you will build some level of comfort. If you give in to your fears, you could end up unable to leave the house. Don't go there. You can PM me anytime.  What helped me was 'desensitization' therapy and seeing a therapist to talk to. I tried meds, but they made it worse. But that may be just me. talk therapy was very helpful and most cities offer it at low/no cost. Hang in there,  VoN
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"It is what it is." 
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| myoasis89
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#4
Jan 03, 2009, 05:51 PM
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A therapist might be able to help you out tremendously!!!!
S/he could teach you techniques & strategies to overcome your anxieties & fears. You could follow up with your therapist, & not feel alone as you make this transition. Of course there is us! @ PC!!!! We'll help you the  very best we can!!! (Many of us have seen the show, lol) I'm excited for you!!!!! 
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| myoasis89
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#6
Jan 03, 2009, 07:25 PM
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Quote:
I notice you used the word "what" and not "who"...and with your choice it is a much easier question to answer... You are a bright, youthfull woman who is also a seeker,,curious, intelligent and open minded....at the very, very least....  Now if you asked "who" and not what,,,well then I would have to say that you have asked the most normal question any of us "whats" have ever asked.... Finding the who is what everyone of us works on every moment of our lives...and the wonder of it all is that when we think we know,,,we change.... Remember always,,,you are not alone... Lenny
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I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
| myoasis89
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#7
Jan 03, 2009, 08:18 PM
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Quote:
...but I take comfort in your encouraging words
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#8
Jan 03, 2009, 08:21 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
| VoNPD
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#9
Jan 03, 2009, 08:26 PM
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Quote:
thanks River x for your understanding. This topic is an embarrassing one to talk about...no one wants anyone to think they are a social outcast. That's what I've always feared since I was a kid. I became very independent because I was afraid others would think I was strange for fearing social situations. I had a friend with this problem...and everyone talked behind her back...it's a horrible situation...but I'm glad I can talk and feel safe here
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#10
Jan 03, 2009, 08:28 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#11
Jan 03, 2009, 08:31 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#12
Jan 03, 2009, 11:57 PM
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Hi Myoasis,
Check out the Myers Briggs tests. Take it and see what personality type you are . I found it very informative . A gradschool advisor had me take it. You should be able to find it on line . Patricia
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#13
Jan 07, 2009, 06:29 PM
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Hi there, ah yes.....social phobia, agoraphobia, anxiety, panic. They are some of the big nasties and I have experienced all of them at some point in my life. I used to feel so guilty that I did not like groups, big rooms, bright lights, group therapy, big sounds, losing control, eating in front of people or being really nervous so I drank alot and took alot of recreational drugs just so I could cope. Not good with schizoeffective and borderline.
Now I just take my meds for bipolar and am quite comfortable with the fact that I am anti-social save for the people that I actually want to spend time with. I am good in work situations as long as nobody wants to get close intimately and have often been the training coordinator where I work so I am great with order, procedure and teaching but working on skills to learn to deal with conflict as I am terrible at that. Either I run away or turn on the person with such unrelenting fury that I scare the crap out of them. I still get terrible anxiety and since being dx with bipolar last year, I have been housebound for at least six months of that as I had a severe recurrence of agoraphobia. It took me 3 months just to get out to my mailbox! So I just keep practicing and making the circle bigger and bigger until I can get on that bus or go back to work. All things revolve and change. Nothing ever stays the same. Don't know if that helps and I took the Myers-Briggs and it was excellent - fit me to a tee and explained alot of things to me. I am an introvert who likes to be in control and have methodology in everything. I do algebra to relieve anxiety or when I am afraid and bring order back into my world! I have also been studying chaos theory and quantum theory to understand the core of how things work and that there is order in chaos. Very interesting. Don't despair babe, there is nothing "wrong" with you. You are just finding out who you are. Good luck and keep us posted.
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For all things Light and Dark.......http://thedemonrun.wordpress.com/  The only Truth that exists..... .........Is that there is no absolute Truth. |
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#14
Jan 07, 2009, 08:48 PM
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I totally agree with Meyers Briggs. ISFP here
I took it when I was 18 and more recently and I am still the same 30 years later.One thing that I did for self discovery when i was feeling the way that you are now OP is that I would just sit down with paper and start brainstorming what I like and what I don't like and write everything down. Its a real eye opener. I first start with off the top of my head likes and dislikes and then I will start formulating questions for myself I have a feeling that you were rarely asked what you like when you were younger (I almost never was, and when I expressed a preference I was emotionally penalized for it, so I lost track of my likes and dislikes for awhile). You get to figure it out now, which can be a lot of fun for you. Try with some small things like maybe ice cream (Love :d). Go to 31 flavors and pick out what you like and don't like. My favorite is the Watermelon Sherbet with the black candy watermelon seeds in it. Please complete this assignment and report back. If you don't have a 31 flavors then please find a reasonable facsimile. *hugs* Hang in there sweetie. 19 is still really young. |
| VoNPD
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#15
Jan 09, 2009, 12:12 PM
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Lemon Custard
This refreshing delight has been made since 1945 with rich and creamy Lemon Custard ice cream. Available in the Southeast, Midwest, Northeast, South Central, Southwest and Northwest.
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Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
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#16
Jan 09, 2009, 02:16 PM
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Myo, yes, I understand what you are saying. Do you feel like you have a strong identity? Do you feel like you know what normal interactions are? Do you feel like no one ever taught you social skills? Do you feel lost and just don't know how to interact?
I had to fix all of these things about myself. It made a huge difference in my life.......
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| myoasis89
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#17
Jan 09, 2009, 03:34 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#18
Jan 09, 2009, 07:57 PM
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this may help to explain my situation. it was a conversation with an online counsellor
Welcome to www.youthinbc.com, Kayla Deceight will be right with you. Kayla Deceight Hi Nicole nicole hey Kayla Deceight How are things going for you today? nicole I'm having a big issue right now,,,my bf left ot go to iran for a month to see his family...i renting a room at a philipino household and there is another boy living there as well nicole I have trouble forming friendships nicole and this other guy seemed friendly nicole and I thought he would jsut want to be friends nicole my bf warned me abbout him and I didn't listen...and hung out with him Kayla Deceight It seems like you are stressed out about this other guy nicole and now the guy who lives with me wants a relaitonship...i told him i had no feelings for him nicole yah Kayla Deceight So Im guessing this is a tough situation for you because your boyfriend isnt in the same place you are and you are looking to form new friendsships but this guy wants more than you do nicole I told my bf what happened..and i told my landlord nicole my bf got relaly upset nicole and was like...why didn't you listen to me nicole I was relaly depressed because it was druing the holidays nicole and I've never had a best friend nicole and I thought this guy would be my best friend nicole at least it felt like it Kayla Deceight I can imagine you must be pretty hurt because you were looking for a best friend not a new boyfriend Kayla Deceight and that it must be hard because your boyfriend doesnt understand the situation you're in nicole yah...says that he trust me...but he was asking why I would even care about this guys feelings nicole he didn't understand why I jsut didn't ignore him nicole because this guy kept feeling me up nicole and I told him to stop nicole because I have a bf Kayla Deceight It seems that your worried about the way your boyfriend is reacting and hes not really getting you nicole yah...the mexican had no family here for the holidays either nicole so I thought we were in the same boat nicole so i would keep him comapny nicole company* Kayla Deceight sounds like you were looking for someone to hang out with Kayla Deceight someone who could understand you and keep you company while your boyfriend was away nicole yah Kayla Deceight so im just wondering..what have you done in the past when you feel uncomfortable around someone nicole I've just dealt with it nicole I felt uncomfortabel around a teacher once nicole i felt I had no one to go to nicole and my parents didn't listen to me Kayla Deceight It seems as though you feel really lonley right now and dont have anyone to talk to that will listen to you Kayla Deceight you mentioned that in the past you have just dealt with the feelings of uncomfort...i was wondering if you could think of any ways you may be able to deal with it better nicole I just feel like I am bothering people if I do nicole or people jsut don't listen to me nicole I don't feel like i've ever had anyone relaly care about how I feel Kayla Deceight I can imagine you must bee isolated and alone since you feel no one listens to you Kayla Deceight feel* nicole yah nicole I told this guy i don't know how many times that I just wanted to be friends Kayla Deceight Sounds like you are gettin frustrated with this guy because he isnt listening to you about what you want nicole yah...I've had that happen with another guys as well nicole I have troubles forming relationships with girls nicole and I just feel like I've been forgotten Kayla Deceight Seems like there is alot going on for you right now...I was just wondering what the biggest issue today was? nicole I don't really know...I have a bunch of issues I guess...I've always been told I was normal nicole and no one has ever cared about the pain i feel Kayla Deceight It sounds as if you feel that people are not caring about you as much as you would like them to nicole yah Kayla Deceight How do you get by everyday with these feelings? Is there anything you do to make yourself feel better? nicole i was feeling better when i was talking with the mexican and doing things nicole i thought he was my bfriend Kayla Deceight Im getting the feeling you are really looking for someone to be your best friend and be there for you, and I can imagine its really disappointing and frustrating when you are getting these responces from people
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#19
Jan 10, 2009, 01:35 PM
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Myo, I didn't trust women either and didn't have close friends. My mother is who messed me up. I am working on having closer friends right now.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| myoasis89
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#20
Jan 10, 2009, 02:43 PM
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Quote:
if you don't mind me asking, sannah, how did your mother treat you that made you afraid of women and how do you wokr out getting closer to women?
__________________
"...I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." (U2) |
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#21
Jan 10, 2009, 03:45 PM
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Myo, my mom is Narcissistic so everything was about her and no one else, so, therefore, I was basically emotionally neglected. I worked through all the effects of this - low self worth, and all the things that I never got taught, social skills, personal boundaries, meeting my needs, empowerment, dealing with my feelings, etc.
Because I was basically betrayed by my mother because she didn't mother me very well, I learned that women couldn't be trusted. I have spent my whole life not allowing woman to get close. I have only been working on this the last few years. Over the last year I have noticed in the moment when with woman acquaintences how I push them away so I am working on this now. When I notice that I am doing it, I feel low self-worth surfacing. I tell myself right then and there "this woman isn't your mother, this woman is not looking at you like you are worthless". (When your mom neglects you the message is that you must be worthless then). I am making good progress with this..........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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