[CJR520]

Back years ago, a family doctor told my Mom that my Dad had a Jeckle, Hyde personality. My sister and I have discussed so many times how he could be so kind to people on the outside. He would be so sweet to other women, and our friends, then just throw things and cuss us. I think about our kind neighbors across the alley from us when we were growing up. My parents made fun of them because they didn't have much money and they did things differently. Now, i realize that their difference was the right way. Actually, I have known that for a long time. I wonder how many times they heard my Dad cussing and swearing and throwing things. They had to!! In all the friends homes I have been in growing up and in my adult years, I have never seen the kind of things that went on in our home. I was afraid of teachers, afraid to make a mistake, and it carried into my adult life. I am still struggling, and trying hard. When my Dad acts like this, which is almost daily, I just can't go to their house. I can'e take it!! As the years go by, and my little grandkids are around, I don't want them to hear the things he says. So, my Mom is wondering why I haven't been there since Christmas, even though, deep down she really knows. She took this abuse all these years, and just can't figure out why we feel the way we do. It is pitiful.

((((((((((((CJR)))))))))))))))

So sorry you had to live with that. Sounds so much like my home.

[CJR520]

I hope it's not your home now. If so, you can talk to me any time you like. I surely know what it is like. Take care! And thanks!!

[Myzen]

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In all the friends homes I have been in growing up and in my adult years, I have never seen the kind of things that went on in our home. I was afraid of teachers, afraid to make a mistake, and it carried into my adult life. I am still struggling, and trying hard. When my Dad acts like this, which is almost daily, I just can't go to their house. I can'e take it!! As the years go by, and my little grandkids are around, I don't want them to hear the things he says. So, my Mom is wondering why I haven't been there since Christmas, even though, deep down she really knows.

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Hi CJR,

That's my story too, I'm sad to say.

It's a long way back in the past for me, but has been the single biggest influence in my life. The experience of seeing other people's families, realising that they don't live in constant 'tears before bedtime' conflict is so overwhelming.

My father's behaviour was never challenged and it never eased up. People, including his own siblings, avoided him like the plague, but we were his prisoners. He's dead now, but his influence lives on of course, which is why I'm writing this.

The positive thing to come out of the situation is when we realise how strong we have been to survive being planted in such poor soil, and the great empathy for other's suffering that we can have when we have had it hard ourselves.

Cheers, Myzen.

[CJR520]

Thanks!! Everyone is struggling with something these days.