[splitimage]

I am not holding it together. I'm having flashbacks, body memories, and hyper arousal to the max. I completely dissociated half of my last T session, because we went to far with ego state work. My clonazapam dosage is doing nothing to take the edge off of my anxiety, which physically is through the roof. But I'm reluctant to increase the dose. My urges to drink or cut are overwhelming but so far I've avoided both. All of this has been triggered by my abusers sister (my cousin) getting in touch with me. It's a good thing I'm in a low stress job as I can barely concentrate.

I feel intrusive rage that I don't know how to deal with as well as overwhelming sadness. I alternate between the two.

My T tonight brought up relationships and said she could see me in a relationship soon. The only problem is the thought of heterosexual intimacy provokes extreme thoughts of violence in me. I'm scared of how I'd respond - the reason I've avoided intimate relationships all of my life.

I feel like I've reached a crisis point and I don't know how to get through it.

--splitimage

[reg12]

I'm sorry, but it sound to me like there is more going on than what T is telling you. Meds can't always stop some of those things, unless they get you to where you stop thinking. I agree with you. I really think you should avoid relationships at this time. You maybe need to get control of you first. Find out who you are and learn to love yourself, before you try with others. Take care

Originally Posted by splitimage

I am not holding it together. I'm having flashbacks, body memories, and hyper arousal to the max. I completely dissociated half of my last T session, because we went to far with ego state work. My clonazapam dosage is doing nothing to take the edge off of my anxiety, which physically is through the roof. But I'm reluctant to increase the dose. My urges to drink or cut are overwhelming but so far I've avoided both. All of this has been triggered by my abusers sister (my cousin) getting in touch with me. It's a good thing I'm in a low stress job as I can barely concentrate.

I feel intrusive rage that I don't know how to deal with as well as overwhelming sadness. I alternate between the two.

My T tonight brought up relationships and said she could see me in a relationship soon. The only problem is the thought of heterosexual intimacy provokes extreme thoughts of violence in me. I'm scared of how I'd respond - the reason I've avoided intimate relationships all of my life.

I feel like I've reached a crisis point and I don't know how to get through it.

--splitimage

[zooropa]

I'm sorry you're going through this My PTSD symptoms are pretty out of control a lot of the time lately, too, so I can understand. Is your T helping you work on ways to get through this?

[Crew]

Splitimage,

I to am sorry your having so much trouble!

I found my anger and something you and your T may could do this. See if your T has a wooden board and then buy a bag of the gray clay that has to stay wetish but has to stay in a tight container to keep from drying out. Have your T and you make balls about size of palm and then throw out your rage this will create exhausting but if you can imagine the sound the clay makes as it hits the board. As the clay almost flattens... then have T who are you mad at and at first you may not know and it may be hard for you to get into that rage... Hopefully your T will push the clay off the board because your throwing away your rage. It took me a bit to get mad enough, it sounds like your there.
Just an idea that worked for me...

Until we meet again..... stay safe! Yay for resisting the urge to hurt yourself YaY!!! Your new friend, ThaCrew