[tarantism]

Hi im new at PC. I was diagnosed with PTSD over 2 years ago now and i got better. Please don't be judgemental, and please believe me. now Im to paranoid to see my therapist I KNOW people have been spying on me i think they put hidden cameras in my room. I can't sleep because of these cameras. I think they tried to put bugs in my car the other day. when i had to take it to the shop I had to watch the man constantly while he made an estamate on my car he looked so suspicious. When i am exausted and have to sleep I start hearing a woman scream loud and it wakes me up. None of this stuff has to do with the trauma in my life im not sure if this is real or not, concentration is horrible probably not thinking to strait. Can't talk to anyone i know anymore I can't trust anyone. this is kind of my desprate attempt to find a soul out there to maybe help me make sense of this. Im not crazy! (hopefully)

[Elysium]

Totally not meaning to be judgmental...but I think your title says it. It really does sound like some form of psychosis, and with PTSD that is always possible.

I know this has got to be pretty damn scary for you right now...feeling like you can't trust anyone and having the belief that people are spying on you. Those are terrible feelings and thoughts to be having.

Is there any way that you can work with sitting with those thoughts and recognizing that there is a chance that they may not be accurate...and allowing yourself the benefit of the doubt so you can get in to speak with your therapist?

As far as the screaming you hear when you are trying to sleep...do you hear this coming from outside your head or inside?

Honestly...have you tried talking back to the screamer? I know that may sound completely whacked, but it just might give you some insight if you could make some type of communication. Maybe, when you hear it again...even if it is a form of psychosis...just ask it why it is screaming or what it needs from you. You never know...it just might tell you.

I'm a believer that just because something may be a hallucination, doesn't mean that it isn't real. For the person experiencing it, it is very real.

I am concerned that if you can't make it to your therapists that you will spiral further into whatever this state is. No one likes to hear this...but maybe a few days in patient might help.

I know....I know...that's probably the craziest thing I've said to you...but if you are on meds...maybe they need to be adjusted. If you're not on meds...maybe they need to be looked into for now.

But in order to do this...you're going to need to allow yourself to trust someone.....

I wish you peace!!

[tarantism]

Elysium thank you for your reply! To answer your question about the screaming voice i think it is just in my head but when it gets really loud it sounds like it is everywhere. Some times it talks to me but rarely and all it says is hurtful. Im way to afraid to turn myself in i have been through that before, though not for whatever screwy thing that is going on with me now for normal PTSD symptoms like flashbacks and panic attacks. Im afraid that they will never allow me to leave i mean at least thats what i think. I don't want anymore diagnosis's. BTW anyone ever been to VA inpatient unit? I don't know what its like. How can I work up the courage to turn myself in im so tired of fighting everthing and being afraid constantly. I would not be able to go talk to my therapist and leave not thinking that im now being watched more because i gave in to them. And what if they tell me to go away because i have been avoiding most of my calls for months especially his calls. sorry if this seems like im ranting.

[Typo]

Hi Tranatism,

I understand very much that what your going through is scarey, I've been where you are, I wish I had been capable (was a minor at the time) and had went and recieved helped at a hospital at the time, I suffered for months with hallucinations and pariond disllusionments, please get help, this isn't normal of PTSD, but stress from PTSD can trigger such things to happen.

They won't keep you forever, the people there are there to help you and won't do anything to hurt you. Please seek help hun. I wish you the best and keep us all updated.

I'm not sure what a VA inpatient unit is so I'm afraid I can't answer that question, I"m sorry.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I understand about the voices and I understand about not wanting to turn yourself in.

I have been in unsuccessful therapy for PTSD myself and they used the wrong treatment; they expected me to deal with flashbacks on my own, to "Just get out there and deal" and I couldn't.

I had to deal with punitive mental health professionals.

it was h***.

I know how you feel.

If you do get help, I hope you get better help than I did.

Wishing you the best,

Billi

[MissCharlotte]

(Tarantism)

Psychosis can be present with many illnesses. I have complex ptsd and family members with schizophrenia. I do know that the sooner psychosis is managed medically, the sooner recovery can begin and the greater the chance for a full recovery. So, having said that, I know it is difficult for you to trust right now but I do think it would be in your best interest to find a facility or pdoc you can work with. Try to get a recommendation from someone you trust - is there a family member who can help you?

As far as the screaming voice is concerned you might want to try using headphones with a meditation or some gentle music to sort of drown out the other voice or give her something to listen to. Maybe it's a scared part of you. I have found that when I have a lot of head noise, listening to tapes really helps. Also, prepare yourself for sleep by taking a bath and drinking some warm milk or sleepytime tea.

I hope you can get some rest and some help.

Take gentle care.

[kasva]

hi....just thought id add my experience...i know what you are feeling is very scary...i have felt it before. i have ptsd too and did...but the two times that i have gone through the fears you express there were medical reasons...one was from a drug i was on...prednisone and the second time was when my thyroid was extremely overactive for quite awhile...so i really hope you go for help and i hope they look at all possibilities. be well....kasva

[tarantism]

Thank you for the advice everyone. I know i should go see my Pdoc but im way to scared I still don't know what to expect. Last time i felt this depressed i ended up in an impatient unit for a month and got fired from my job, it was horrible. This time I don't know what kind of reprecussions telling someone that i am hearing voices will have. Will they just say "ok you need treatment" and admit me. I know how the government works they monitor people that are not right in the head. I really hate myself for the way I am. I still think that people are spying on me too. I know 100% that if they captured me my life would be hell. I know what psychosis is and what delusions are maybe that is what this is but my real problem is not knowing what is real. If i could figure out what is real everyday and what isn't I know that I could help myself. Anyway if anyone knows how admission to a mental health unit goes down and if there is any tricks and tips to not getting taken advantage off please let me know. Last time I was addmitted was a couple years ago. I haven't given up yet these voices in my head can't win I won't let them.

[Crew]

Tarantism,

Thanks for trusting yourself to put your fears out there. I think you are very articulate in the way you express yourself. As far as feeling you are crazy to be quite honest it's the "normal" people that scare me.

I just want you to know that PyschCentral is a Safe generally speaking and people care about others here, use that gut feeling and thanks for sharing and know I have your back!

Oh by the way... to PC (hope that made you smile) Hang in there and I hope to see you around... Later,
ThaCrew

[amante]

Tarantism,
I think you should be proud of yourself for posting and acknowledging that things are not right, I've had PTSD for 3 years and I don't think it ever truly goes away;. I've had paranoia thoughts that people were following me in the car. I feel for you and wanted to just say that I'm sending cyber hugs your way.