[alyluvsu]

I dont know where to turn for this issue.
I have been told by 4 health care providers I have PTSD do to ending a abusive relationship that lasted for 13 years.

I have lost everything I have owned,and even my two children.
I just recently starting having very vivid nightmares about the the moment I finally got away.

I have been put on considerable amounts of trazodone,effexor XR and zanax. But I still cant sleep through the night.

I have sought out theropy for this issue,and that to is extensive.

But I still cant seem to climb out of this deep dark hole that it feels Ive fell into.

I think alot of the pain is centered around feeling the loss of my children.
The void I guess.
I miss their touch,their support.

Who is suppose to support you through loosing your support??!!!!

I do have a wonderful boyfriend. But it still isnt the same,as feeling my kids arms around my waist,and hearing them say "its okay mommy".

I just need somewhere to turn when Im having days like today.

[Elysium]

((((((Alyluvsyu)))))) (Cyber-Hugs)

Welcome to your somewhere!!

It sounds like you've been through hell lately, and with PTSD...it doesn't care...it just keeps coming at you.

I have CPTSD from growing up in an abusive environment as well.

Hopefully you will feel comfortable here and meet some good folks. We can't make the PTSD go away...but we will be here to support you through the really hard times and the really good times.

Feel free to send me a PM if you ever feel like it. Otherwise...check out the forums and keep letting your feelings out. You don't have to keep them in here.

Take care, and I hope to see you around the forums.

Hello, alyluvsu. May you find peace.

[(JD)]

I think you've received the diagnosis of ptsd because of the abusive relationship, not because you got out of it.

It's because you're not being abused that you can let your guard down a little, and begin to acknowledge the garbage?

Nightmares imo means the brain is trying to file those memories.
PTSD makes it so the brain doesn't know where to file the memories, because something happens during trauma that changes the normal chemical processing of events.

Realize that what you are feeling and thinking is caused by the PTSD.
Your therapist needs to be expert in the treatment of PTSD, if he/she isn't, then you need to discuss this with them. That person will be your primary source of support, because others just don't "get it" when it comes to PTSD symptoms etc.
It's a very long and arduous road, but worth travelling since you're already on it.


I'm sorry you've lost everything. Use the time now to find a balance in your life, clear it out and reorganize...and set about the work of retraining your brain about those memories?

[lynn P.]

I just wanted to ask you about the other major issue, of not seeing your children. Did you leave in a hurry and that's why they aren'y with you? Do you have a custody arrangement or are you going to get help with legal representation? Welcome to PC and I wish you well.

[alyluvsu]

Lynn~ I left but he took my children from me that night I left. IN oklahoma the law is the children will stay with the person that has then at the time of seperation. And as controlling as this man was,he was wanting me to live in the lil town where we lived,but in a different house. UMM NO WAY.
I wasnt going for it at all. IN the custody fight i had a neriousbrake down,and a mulitple sclorsis flare up. This happened at the time I was suppose to appear in court,and since I didnt have an atterney I was put down,even tho they knew I was in the hospital,I didnt attend. So all in all,this county was soo back wards,and he was soo controlling. That he had more money and pull than i did. I had no one to back me up. So basicly I got screwed.
and sadly my religion beliefs was frowned apon!! I believes in my beliefs,and all religions not just one.and a paranormal investigator on the side. I was accused of being into the devil! Which is way wrong,not even close.

[amante]

I am a mother too, and I feel your pain with you not being around your children, a child's arms around you and hearing them say they love you is just the best feeling and therapy in the world. Do you get to see them at all? I hope you can see them soon to get some love from them. Amanda

[alyluvsu]

NO,not at all. I was keeping up with them through my dads facebook page,but when i read they where in town at the first of the month,I couldnt sleep for days. I just now started sleeping through again without meds that is.

So I agreed im not going to visit my dads page again for a while.

Their dad said if I would move back to oklahoma I could talk to them on the phone.

I just want to know why I have been treated like a criminal or something like that. I have not done anything wrong,but of course have kids with this monster of a man. But Im still being treated like im the bad one here. gosh I wont even go over the darn speed limit for gods sake, But this monster can grow pot out of the home,and still get my kids. WTF!!!!

[amante]

WTF is right, I'm sorry that you are facing such difficult times, at the end of the day you are the children's mother and they know that... perhaps the facebook page is the best way to keep up to date with them. This must be torture for you, I can't imagine what you are going through.

[alyluvsu]

Thanks amante, It is torture forsure. Im taking one step at a time,one day at a time. Ya know?

Tring to stay as positive as possible,but all this umm,BS kinda lets some of the negitive crap in. That is where the nightmares come in and the horrible panic attacks.

I am on agressive theorpahy (sp?) for now,once a week. I said today I was not going to cry cause my sinues hurt to bad. SO we talked about other stuff besides just my kids .Although I did end up crying in the end.,it was still a good session.

I have to stop going to the FB page,cause when I read on my daugthers site that they were less than 5 miles from where I live,that kinda startied the night torrors,and the overwhemling panic attacks at the begining.

I am glad I found this forum tho. Lots of supportive ppl here.

[amante]

my therapy usually reduces me to a crying, sniffling mess, it's hard to sit and talk about your problems without getting emotional. it's ok to cry. perhaps your T can give you something to help with the nightmares and sleep stuff. I am glad to see you are getting T help too. One day at a time, sweet jesus. just take those baby steps each day. Sending hugs your way.

[Rohag]

Hi, Alyluvsu! I read I dont know where to turn over at PTSD - very sad, very frustrating. Please make yourself at home here.

[alyluvsu]

Thanks guys!!

[amante]

Alyluvsu,
How are you feeling today, is it a stronger day for you. I was thinking about you!!
Hope you are ok.

Yes, how are you doing, alyluvsu?

[alyluvsu]

I am doing....thats about it for now. I am going to stop going to my T for now. It brings up to much,and it is too fresh. My boyfriend and I are leaving town soon,to start preproduction of a new upcoming TV show. So hopefully all of that stuff will keep my mind off of all this BS. The producer and I have talked about it,and she said when we got this show off the ground,then she will help me find the best Lawyer in the world to atleast get my visitation rights back. I know that I am in no shape to take care of my children fulll time now. All the BS that their dad has put me through has caused me lasting problems,not to mention it has exacerbated the ms big time. My cognition problems are getting worse,and my legs are very weak,and Im in alot of pain lately.

I want to thank all of you guys for being concerned about me. THANKS!!!

Blessings,
aly

[amante]

That is great news that you and your BF have the new tv show to focus your energy on, and I hope that taking a short break from T, will help your MS subside. Keep thinking of those visitation rights to keep you going. Glad you checked in with some positive news. I'll keep saying my prayers for ya.