[Starlightembers]

A friend gave me a book to read around mid-March, telling me that I had to read it and would love it. Quickly, I glanced through the description and knew she was right. It had been two years since I had finished a book (due to my mental illnesses), so I read this one a bit slowly. It quickly became one of my all time favorite books. The plot was complex (for a teen book), characters realistic, and I was able to relate with the main character. While that last point was a good thing in many ways, it also really triggered me. Why? Because she had been sexually abused herself.

Immediately, I felt my PTSD symptoms get so much worse. I was having five to eight flashbacks a day, and nightmares every night. I was constantly looking all around me, and became terrified and tense whenever I passed by or interacted with anyone (even family and close friends). My startle response has been so over exaggerated; a twig snapping or a slight tap on the shoulder causes me to scream. I have been wearing more clothes to bed than usual (I can't slap without most of my clothes on, now it's all of the - including hoodie/jacket) and I have been waking up multiple times, always feeling restless and panicked. My depersonalization has been getting progressively worse, as well. Worst of all, I cannot stop thinking about "it" and every little reminder has been pushing me close to hysterics. Only within the last two days has my mind even slowed down a bit.

At the moment, I just need a lot of support and (virtual, please!) hugs. Ideas on how to continue un-spinning my mind are welcomed. Truly, anything you can say or give I will appreciate.

Thank You,
Eri

[michele#3]

Well I am so,so sorry that you are going through all of this! I know how it feels. All I can say is that it does get better with time. That and hugs to you.

[Catherine2]

Eri...gentle hugs

Have you been able to talk with anyone about what is happening to you? A therapist, perhaps?
Jmo, but it's so hard to try and go it alone when these things are going on...is there anyone you trust that can be with you?

Truly, it does get better. We learn how to ground ourselves and get through these times...it takes practice and a willingness to stick with it, but it helps tremendously.

At the least, please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, ok?
We Care
I Care

In Peace

I like lots of responses to my posts, so I'm making a point to respond here. I want you to know I care, but right now I can't mentally process anything. I'm even having trouble being coherent, typing this. (My own issues.) So when I'm better able, I'll come back and read it more carefully.

((((((( Eri )))))))

[Starlightembers]

Thank you all so much for your responses. Just seeing that someone cares can help a lot. It's also always comforting to be reminded that others know what you are currently going through. Thank you all very much.

Catherin2: My psychiatrist (who also does my therapy) was on vacation this past week. Unfortuantley, he is also booked up this coming week. We're hoping somebody cancels; but, if not, I'll seem the week after this one. I did, however, get to speak about it in my group therapy. Which helped a bit.

LovebirdsFlying: Thank you for responding. The fact you took the time to do so in the midst of a really tough time means so much. Please, take your time and do your best to stay safe and well. If you need to talk, I will be there for you, just as you have been for for me by posting this.

(That goes for all of you, by the way!)

Eri/Erika

[(JD)]

(((hugs)))

Just wondering how you are doing this week.

I don't know your circumstances, but while change in itself can be difficult for those with PTSD, you might try some changes in your sleep area, to help it feel safer. Adding clothes is common, don't worry about it. An increased startle response is also part and parcel of PTSD. With each startle, check it out, reassure yourself it's safe, and over time this will ease up.

If once back in regular sessions you find you are still being triggered a lot, with a lot of flashbacks, then you might discuss slowing down the therapy (the information discussed/covered in session.) It could be you're going through too much, going too fast. Sometimes going slower gets you to a safer place faster.

(((hug)))

[REEG]

[quote=(JD);1340809](((hugs)))
It could be you're going through too much, going too fast. Sometimes going slower gets you to a safer place faster.

JD_- I SO agree with this! And yet, sometimes it's easy to get stuck in that driven place of pushing though- trying to 'force' the healing, bget there fats or 'overexpose' oneself. Especially when I recognize I am not doing well.

The good news is that with time comes awareness of these patterns. Gorunding skills and self care are essential during these times. So if a hoodie helps you feel safe in bed, that's okay, that's an easy way to provide yourself care and comfort.
I have always felt a bone chilling cold when I'm going though flashbacks- used to have a partner hold me. THat's not possible now and I just got myself an electirc blanket- it feels good to curl up under something very warm and comforting.
Please be gentle and kind with yourself-