[splitimage]

A while ago a cousin of mine who I haven't seen in 20 odd years tracked me down via facebook. It turns out we live in the same city. We've been e-mailing and talking by phone, but she wants to get together, so we're meeting for coffee this Sat. Part of me wants to go, because it would be nice to feel like I have some family in town, and I remember liking her as a kid. BUT and this is a big BUT her older brother SA'd me from the time I was 7 to 11. I'm really worried that seeing her may trigger my PTSD which is already pretty active at the moment. Part of me thinks I should cancel, but I don't want my life to be constrained by my illness.

I am taking some precautions in case I am triggered - I've asked a friend to meet me to go to an AA meeting that night so I won't drink, and I've gotten rid of all my SI tools, so I won't cut.

I'm just really worried about how I'm going to react to seeing her in person.

--splitimage

How do you think you should react?

[splitimage]

I don't know how I think I should react. I just know that the first time I talked to her on the phone, it triggered a whole series of memories about the SA which resulted in a relapse of both drinking and SI.

I hope I can see her and separate the present from the past. But I'm worried that seeing her in person may be an even bigger trigger than just hearing her voice was.

I'm thinking of carrying a small stuffie in my purse that I can squeeze to help ground me if I start losing it while I'm with her.

--splitimage

Then perhaps seeing her is a bad idea right now?

[splitimage]

Actually I met her and it went way better than I expected - so maybe there's hope for me yet. We clicked right away. She's also alcohoic - sober for 4 years, has suffered from Depression and was SA'd by her older brother - the same one that abused me. She brought it up, I didn't, but it was good to get some external validation that he was one sick puppy. She works as a peer support worker for a community mental health agency, so we had a fun time *****ing about the short commings of mental health care in ON, different treatment centres, and what it was like to be open about MH issues at work. Turns out we even know a bunch of the same people through the psych hospital I got treated at, and now volunteer at. We're going to get together again next month.

--splitimage

Good for you, splitimage!

[notz]

I'm humbled by your ability to put aside your fears and not allow projection to dictate your future. Bravo! Well done.

[AtreyuFreak]

I just have to commend you for planning ahead of time to go to an AA meeting and getting rid of all SI tools. Definitely a smart move, especially in the event that it was triggering! I'm very glad it went well for you; and while it is hard to know that someone else has been put through the same hell as you, it makes it easier (for both of you, I'm sure) to know you're not alone.

[amante]

Will you meet again, this could be very theraputic for you both to talk about what happened and share your feelings.

[splitimage]

Yes, we'll definitely get together again. We definitely clicked. And at least the stories of "no my side of the family were more disfunctional than your's" are good for at least another couple of coffees. It's interesting too how we both ended up in mental health = her as a job, and me as a volunteer.

--splitimage

[darkrunner]

Splitimage,
Did you find it validating to know that she was also victimized?
I know for me, when I was contacted by other victims, it was extremely validating and helps me believe that it wasn't something that *I* did to cause it to happen. Although of course I am sad that anyone else had to go through what I did.
You were so brave to meet her, and I'm glad it was a positive experience for you. It sounds like she might be able to be a good friend and support in your life.
And that is a really good thing!

[splitimage]

Darkrunner, yes I did find it validating although I felt bad for her, in some ways I think it being a brother is worse than a cousin, as at least I didn't have to see him all of the time.

It's weird for me to feel so totally comfortable with someone right off the bat, so I definitely want her in my life, I'm really struggling with the addiction right now and I know she can be supportive. Also she has contacts in the MH system and may be able to get me a referal to a pdoc who also does talk therapy if I decide after 6 months that I can't work with my current pdoc.

It's also nice to have some family in the city.

[darkrunner]

Maybe you could talk to your cousin this weekend, and she can be an extra support until you see pdoc on Monday.

I'm glad you have another person in your life you can understand you and help you.

[asl123]

You were prepared and mindful before the meeting, and that shows a great deal of understanding of yourself. I am glad the meeting went well.