[Evening]

My mother was meant to come today to give me some money to go out this weekend, and sent her a message telling her I was actually awake (you know, awake in the DAY time) and could we go look at violas because she'd told me she was going to buy me one.

I finally got a message back from her telling me that she won't be coming today because, dun dun dun, she is going on a date. And she sounded in an extremely happy mood and told me she loved me So there is 3 triggers right there, I can handle even the remotest intimacy so her saying that = vomit, she's seeing some guy instead of seeing me like she said she would, and she is SEEING A GUY.

The first major relationship I remember her being in was with a guy who was an alcoholic, did weed and always made promises to me that he'd break and it would shatter me (I was only about 9 or 10), and her last major relationship she was in, well, we don't need to go there again do we...

I told her I dislike this and she said there's no need to be jealous because nobody will get between us again. Whatever.
I have always been jealous, it was always the two of us. And she has never been shy of her sexuality, sometimes I just feel like she's a slut. Although I know she isn't, I just don't want to know. But she's had sex with a guy in my bedroom when I was a kid, when I was 3 I sat on the stairs and watched her have sex with a guy she brought home and she was too drunk to care, when she was in the relationship with the first guy I mentioned they would leave to door open sometimes when they were having sex and my bed was directly across from theirs so I could see the whole thing, I even walked in on them having sex on the lounge room floor. And when I was 16 I used to read her diary sometimes to find out things (not because I am a snoop, but because her boyfriend who I talked about in the abuse forum was still around and I was trying to find out if/when she had been seeing him so I could be prepared, and also because of her drinking. I hate myself for it because she taught me better than that but I was scared), she had mentioned that she realised she could go to the guy across the street and give him a blow job for alcohol money. Whether or not that actually happened I don't know but whenever I bump into him at the shops he always asks about her.

So anyway, I guess you can kind of understand why I'm not liking this.
I don't want to know about it, I don't like hearing her all nice and happy, I don't know if she is just stoked she's going on a date or she's just sounding that way to me because she knows I don't like the situation. I know if I ever met this guy I'd just sit there and resent him.

I'm stressing out about this and I feel disgusting. She wants to see me tomorrow but I don't want to see her. I dislike this situation immensely.

Evening, I imagine this would definitely upset you given the past guys she's gone out with and all you had to witness as a child...
Look at the good side, at least yo don't have to be living with her and see anything this time......I say yuck with you. YUCK.
Okay, so I'm childish------------------------((((((((((EVENING)))))))))

[WePow]

Evening, just keep yourself safe and stay in the now. That is the best way to make it past the triggers. You can do it. Tons of hugs!

[grizmom]

I'm so sorry your mom canceled plans with you to be with some guy. I hope you are able to keep yourself safe and grounded; you will be in my thoughts!

[lynn P.]

Yes I'm sorry too your plans were canceled because she had a date - that's not fair. Sorry this triggered you. I can never understand parents who don''t make the effort to shield their kids from them having sex. I would be so embarrassed for my children to know - yucky and weird for sure.

When plans don't work out for me, I think there's a greater reason things were canceled - like maybe God didn't want you to get in a bad accident. Do something nice for yourself - you can still go and look at the cello's or do something else? Don't let them ruin your day - make it a good day anyway ((Evening)).

[Evening]

My family has always been open to these things, there is just some things I prefer not to be exposed to... Bare in mind she was an alcoholic and a drug addict so her parenting skills weren't always quite up to scratch. If your hard on ideas about how to make sure your kids never have sex, just traumatise them by leaving the door open once in a while...

[by.grace]

Sending you a fabulous flamingo hug!

Evening, may you find peace.