[googley]

So my T has been wanting me to go on walks to help my depression. However, I have been having trouble doing this because I have been getting scared. I can still get out and go places (class, store etc.) but just walking around seems really unsafe. There are less people in my apartment complex because it is summer session (yes already) and so most of the students are away for the summer. So I end up staying inside instead of going out on walks like I am supposed to. I can walk around campus and that feels fine. But around my complex and to the library feels scary. Why is this happening? Even right after I was attacked I could go out and do anything anywhere without feeling scared. Now its eight years later and I can't even get myself to walk to campus. I walked around a strange city for part of last week and didn't feel scared. I was only worried about getting lost. Not scared about being out. Maybe it is the being by myself part of it? I wanted to see if I could drag my friend along to the library, maybe next week. But I've totally done that before on my own. I don't think I would feel as vulnerable on my bike. I want to be able to do the stuff I agree on to do with my T. I don't want to disappoint her. But it is scary. Help me please.

[grizmom]

You mentioned that you are able to go to the store...is there a large store (like Wal-Mart) or a mini-mall nearby where you would feel safe walking around in? You said you are on campus, so I'm assuming you are at college? Is there a gym with a treadmill or exercise bike that you would feel safe using? I hope you can figure something out...you could always get one of those exercise dvd's to do at home as another option; I think that any kind of exercise can help with depression. Take care!

[googley]

The store is a medium size store, but then I also go to a big store too. I can walk around the next town over that has people. There is a gym, but I think my T really wants me to get outside also. I don't know. I think part of it is the being alone thing.

[AShadow721]

I used to be afraid to go for walks too. Even though, I love to go for walks. I'm not really sure what all has changed now. But I'm not afraid of my kidnapper anymore. I'm not afraid that he will come get me. But when I had to walk to the mailbox, I was even afraid of strangers. So, I can't understand why I'm not so much anymore. I even take walks at night with my son in his stroller now. I just don't feel like an immediate attack is as likely. And I used to have to hold my cell phone with 911 already on the screen, holding my thumb over the talk button everytime I went out before. It was really bad.

Maybe you could get a dog (or walk other people's dogs) or carry mace and keep a cell phone on you when you go out for walks, so that you know you have a way to protect yourself if anyone tries to hurt you. Even if you have a cell phone thats not in service, it will still dial 911.

[Hunny]

Lately, it's occuring to me that it is very difficult to go walking. I understand. I hoping to get to the bottom of it soon. eeek!

Hunny

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[Yoda]

Would it help you feel more safe if you had some pepper spray or a cell phone while walking?

[Hunny]

Yoda,
I did take my cell phone with me to the last walk. There were lots of people too. I thought I would walk more because of sidewalks but I seem to have an irrational fear of leaving and then, when I am out, I am feeling really 'noticeable'.
Some things happened to me when I was a young woman working in the downtown area where there are sidewalks. One of them was really, really traumatic.

If I am walking with someone or pushing a stroller, it seems safer but someone is not always available to go with me. Sometimes, I get scared in certain locations too, so I'm thinking this is debilitating and I need to get to the bottom of it. It's worse as more traumas are seen for what they are, instead of burying or denying them. I know this makes sense but the outcome (not being able to walk) is a new awareness and I guess I am also afraid I am becoming agorophobic.
I need to walk because I need to move around. I am blimping out. I walk sometimes in the mall but I really need the sunshine.
I haven't tried the bear spray yet. I'm a bit afraid of it myself, maybe b/c I think it is banned here (not that I would abuse it).
All these feelings are definately based on fear. I am hoping I can work on this on my next sessions as this part has revealed herself.
Thank you for asking, Yoda. I have read where these things can arise when they weren't there in the beginning. It just amazes and baffles me about the brain's ability and disability. I guess this must be the next thing I have to work on, kinda.

Thanks, again,
Hunny

[googley]

I do have a cell phone that I would take with me on walks. I don't know about the pepper spray. I have a friend who has some so I could check with her. I'm thinking that it wouldn't necessarily do any good. Last time I was attacked it wouldn't have helped. And logically I know I'm not living in a high crime area. But the anxiety is still appearing.

[Hunny]

Googley,

My therapy has helped me over some other humungous hurdles so I am hoping that it will on this one too. It is a gentle type of EMDR. I sometimes stand while we are going through it and even I can even stand on a balance board, if I want, but not lately. Maybe I need to get back on the balance board. I've gained so much weight being sedentary that I am afraid I'll knock over the counsellor though. (doesn't that conjure up a site?)

I get where you are coming from Googley.

I think for me, this has come up for me at this time because it is a part. I must have exhibited this fear in my therapy before because my psychologist has talked about me doing martial arts. I would but I am unable to afford much of anything at this point. I'm kinda afraid of it too. I remember now I once took a couple of sessions with a guy who taught our police how to do martial arts. Shoot I'd totally forgotten that till now. I just saw his picture in a magazine recently. Maybe I'll take that into the counsellor too maybe will help me figure this thing out.

When I go to my Alanon group I am in the same building where martial arts are being taught. All throughout the meeting we can hear: "ooof, arrrrr, ooof" and some other in-unison type things. Maybe it is working on me from a distance and allows me to stay in my meetings. (Lol, okay so that is pretty far fetched but who knows what is happening in the unconscious, perhaps some ancient martial arts therapy).

I think what he wants me to learn is that "I am powerful". Why can't these things be taught as a necessity rather than an option in gym classes (I am whining here, aren't I?)? When I am able to pay I will take steps to be as strong with my body as I am with my mouth. Any step will help. It all will help..

Thank you for starting this thread. It is really making me remember and and think and hopfully make these changes.

Hunny

[Typo]

I get nervous walking by myself too, I started taking my dog with me, my cell phone, and I carry a pocket knife. I also remind myself I don't live in a high crime area and I go over crime statiscs in my mind to help ease my fear (I use to study criminal justice before swtiching majors)

Take small steps at a time Google, it's okay to break this down and work on getting more and more comfterable a step at a time. Like go to the library one day a week by yourself, then take it up to two days a week and so on till you feel more comfterable

Best Wishes
Typo

My thought is until you are more comfortable you simply walk one block and come back. If you like, you can walk past your place to the end of the block in the other direction. Until you feel more adventurous, walk in familiar territory. No reason you cannot take, say, two fifteen minute walks.

Walking has made a tremendous difference for me. Now I use walking poles to get some upper body work in too.

Good luck.

[googley]

I was hoping to get to this in T today, but we didn't get past my first topic. So it will have to wait until next week. Thank you all for your input.

Hunny- I did Aikido when I was in high school. But after being attacked I didn't think I could go back. I wasn't doing it right then, but I couldn't go back at all. I don't like people touching me. The few times I have done self-defense classes I have ended up in really bad places.

[jexa]

googley, I also feel unsafe just walking around. But I ride a bike instead. It feels much safer to me to be able to get away fast on a bike. Would this solution work?

Also maybe you would feel safe if you bought pepper spray and had it in your hand while you walked around?

EDIT: oh haha this was already suggested!! I used to do this when I went on walks at night. It made me feel safe, especially when I had it IN my hand while I was walking.

Originally Posted by googley

I don't like people touching me. The few times I have done self-defense classes I have ended up in really bad places.

I can relate to this. I have a really hard time going to any class where I will be touched at all by my teacher. It REALLY freaks me out! My yoga instructor never touches me. That is the only reason I can go to yoga. I quit the class where the teacher tried to push us into poses harder using her hands. It totally freaked me out!

Maybe you could rent a self-defense video?