wanting things to go wrong

I know this sounds weird, and I hope I can explain it so that it makes sense, but I've noticed sometimes that I almost get a rush from things going wrong for me. I get stressed out and depressed when something goes wrong, but when I think something is going wrong and then it suddenly turns out I get frustrated about it.
My mamma is bringing me some money for tomorrow night, but she thought I said I was going to her house to get it, I thought she was coming here because she has been telling me for days she's coming and then keeps changing her mind. I thought she was going to say I have to go there to get it so I started getting annoyed, she sounds like she is in a bad mood which is a huge change from the other day. But then I asked what's going on and she said she is coming here later, and it frustrated me. I kind of wanted her to not come so I could be angry.

Doesn't that sound so stupid? I don't know why I feel this way, I was so used to things going horribly wrong when I was growing up that I expect these things to happen, am I getting frustrated when things go wrong because it's the norm for me? Am I just wallowing in my own misery?
This isn't something I've really shared with anyone because I feel like I'm coming across as though I'm an attention seeker, even though when things go wrong I don't necessarily tell anyone.

For me, when something goes wrong in the present, it focuses all that built up emotion into the present problem and I think less about the past. So I think I know how you feel. It's a nice change to have something else to focus on for awhile.

Eveing, I think another issue here is that when we get ourselves worked up about 'things going wrong' powerful neurochemicals are released... you know, that endorphin/ adrenalin rush? That can become very reinfocing, because it feels good, despite the misery.

As I've become more aware, I can actually feel a carving for that in my body. For me, that's a good signal to do some physical activity and wear myself out.

Evening, that was then this is now. Read through these again: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/

So now that you know what cognitive distortions are, how do you go about undoing them? Read how in Fixing Cognitive Distortions.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sel...9/METHOD=print

The same things do not have to happen simply because they always seem to. We have a voice now. We have choices to make. We can make change happen.

Do it.