in need of some help

hi, this is my first post and the really hard for me as i havent spoken about this really to anyone. ive been sexually and physically abused on and off for most of my life, and kind of thought it was normal for many years. i tried so hard to block it out and to try and forget but i get really bad nightmares and then feel unsafe and scared. but then on boxing day just gone i was violently raped and since then i have been having severe flashbacks and panic attacks. im now at the point where i just want it to end, i cant cope anymore. i hurt so much and now know that it is likely to happen again. im so scared just dont want to be around anymore.

im sorry this is so hard i dont no what im thinking or feeling all i know is im hurting and im desperate. i feel so dirty and ashamed, and i just want to know what ive done wrong.

you have done nothing wrong.
Welcome to PC... With the holidays and such it is much slower around here than usual but I am sure others will introduce themselves soon. If you want to "talk" I am here.

dear Giving,, please try to post at least 2 more times, so you can come into Live Chat with us, that is where it is easiest for some of us to be helpful. there is a room named SUPPORT, if you go in there,, people online will know that you are wanting someone to come and talk about feelings,, and be kind...

i am very upset to hear that you have had your boundaries violated and have not received the supports you needed and deserved. i hope you can find a way to end the sense of vulnerablity to violation, and not give in to other impulses~ best wishes for the coming year,, Gus

i feel so out of control, my head wont stop my thoughts are not good and right now i so dont want to be here.
everything hurts, i cant sleep because of nightmares and yet when im awake its just as bad. feel completely hopeless

I know exactly how you feel! But the very fact you are writing this, shows that you are not completely hopeless.

What i got to know from experience is that the hopeless feeling is just coming out of the flash backs themselves. So..well..the way things SEEM TO US, not like they truly are. To people who have gone through trauma....

So things are never hopeless....

I hope you seek help, because the worst is put ourselves under such circumstances as abuse...it is NEVER normal and is lacking compassion, cruel and just awful to think "it is normal" Now your body and feelings show you that this is not normal at all. You are more aware, more awake. You are not sleeping and not pretending...
And i know how easy it is to pretend that this is normal. How easy to ignore. Others encourage this so much.

Now you must seek professional help. People who were abused most of their life, like you, me and..sadly many others...are in no condition to manage themselves, their lives, like it is demanded from those who have never been abused. And we still want to ! we can! But we need to go through a process.


I hope you do all you can to get out of this possibility of getting abused again. And seek help to heal from the past as much as possible. And it is possible.

((((giving-up))))))))

please dont give up - none of this was your fault - you deserve better - are you safe now?

Have you sought any help from a professional? a rape crisis centre ? or a therapist?

they can help when you find the right one

talking here is good

when the nightmares come - turn the light on - check your doors and windows and remind yourself you are safe - remind yourself you got through the event and that you survived and you are here because you are strong

Write down what you dreamt if you can to get it a little out of your head - adn say to yourself now there its on paper so i can sleep now - somtimes this works for me

Get up and watch TV - a comedy DVD if you have one - even if you dont feel like it - especially if you dont feel like it - dont go back to bed til you feel more settled and if you have to leave the light on

you are not a victim - you are a survivor - you are amoungst friends and people who have had similar experiences -

Please come back and let us know how you are

sitting and waiting

P7 - oh and for the racing thoughts - i used to put the TV on and try to read a book or do somthing write or draw so that my mind was full and there was no rom for the thoughts - also doing sums in your head works - there are helpful things at the top of this forum too about distractions - putting ice in your hand works - sometimes - please stay safe

hi, thank you for your replys, im not really sure what to say right now as im in a bad way.
no i havent been able to get help from anywhere, its my fault i feel so ashamed and dirty. just need it to end now.

having a really bad time at the moment, the abuse has got so bad, i cant cope anymore.
just had the worst day and night of my life, really struggling now my thoughts are very dark and bad, and im scared.

please ring the sexual abuse hotline number or the police

you dont need to go through this any more

please contact someone tohelp you now

hugs to you

be safe my friend

P7

Did ring and spoke to someone briefly but I'm just finding it really hard and its all to much just now, can't cope.

what did they say?

who did you ring the police or the help number?

and did you tel them about your situation?

Giving up,

I am brand new to this as well. Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The strength and courage that you have shown by posting your feelings and your abuse is inspiring to me. You have shown me that I am not alone. Something that you must need to know, you are not alone either. There is help. Calling a hotline is important right now. Do you have a friend or relative that is close by that you can call on now? Just thought I would ask.

Please know that no matter what, you are not alone. You have reached out, and you have a support system. The people that have responded to your post have shown you and me that with help you can get through this.