[Can't Stop Crying]

I have PTSD and wonder if my children can "learn" some of the associated behaviors from me. ie hypervigilence, anxiety, depression. My 15 year old son displays some symptoms of PTSD (he has no trauma history, I'm not being naive, he has in his words had a "relatively normal life") Could he have learned these behaviors from me?

[Perna]

Yes, most behavior is learned by observation of significant others in childhood. That's why adults often try to be more mindful of their behavior and what they say around children (i.e., not swearing or refusing to eat vegetables, etc.). You have probably been unconsciously anxious about his well-being based on your experience so he has picked that up and become anxious about himself, without any overt bad experiences of his own.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I have tried to always put on my "strong" face when I'm around my children. Obviously, I haven't been 100% successful. I guess I'm not sure how to help him. He is in therapy and taking anti-depressants. There is nothing worse than seeing my child in pain and not knowing how to fix it!

[pachyderm]

Is talking straightforwardly about this with him out of the question?

[Can't Stop Crying]

We have a very good relationship. He is currently homebound because of severe social anxiety. We have long talks...I don't think he is hiding anything from me. He is passively suicidal. I tell him how much I love him and tell him to stick around because things can get better. He tells me he doesn't know where all this sadness comes from. He just doesn't expect very much from life...that is what worries me the most. I have spent so much time just existing and never enjoying life...I think I accidentally taught him that it hurts to be alive and so that is what he expects

[disguise123]

dont just assume that u created this situation. Blaming it on yourself wont do you or him anygood. The most important thing is for both of you to keep reaching out and looking for help. And looking to surround yourselves with beautiful places and people
Dont feel that you should have tried harder to hide your pain, it would not have helped. You must be very kind to yourself right now, you need it. And maybe that will rub off on him too... But do seek as much outside support as you can, does he have a male (outside the immediate family ) to hang out with? Sometimes having a 'mentor' really helps boys.
You need to know you are a good parent, keep being strong.
Xx .

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by rapidcycla

Blaming it on yourself wont do you or him anygood.

I doubt if "blame" does anyone any good. Even if there is some cause and effect here, you just have to say "Oooops. Possibly how I feel communicated itself to him. Now what can I (we) do to correct the situation?"

[Perna]

I'm reminded of the old adage, "Fix the problem, not the blame".

Depression isn't really a "behavior" one can learn and I don't think he could learn being homebound for social anxiety from you if you are not homebound for social anxiety? It sounds like some of his problems are aggravating and maybe causing others; people who have heart operations often have to take anti-depressants afterwards because heart operations can cause depression! No, he probably doesn't have heart problems but the relationship of one body part to another and our subsequent physical/mental illnesses isn't very well understood yet.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...062101934.html

No matter what, his illnesses and difficulties are his own; one person cannot know how another will react to any set of circumstances, that's partly why being a good parent can be so difficult; not only is there no training but there is no way to get any for any particular child as we are all unique in how we respond to things. Some anxious mothers have care-taking children, children who take charge too much because the mother doesn't; think of the "funny" reactions your children had when they were young and you wondered, "where did that come from?"

My granddaughter had a heart operation when she was 4 and woke up in the hospital with various tubes and monitors attached and her mother asked how she felt, did she want anything and she replied, "Yes, I want this, this, and this, gone! (all the tubes/connections, she pointed to each) This is the worst hotel I have ever stayed in; I'm never coming back!" (she had maybe stayed in a motel once in her life). Where did this 4 year old "learn" a response like that?

Your children are their own selves and are responding to their lives (and we can't really get into and understand those lives because of our age/generational differences, among other things) so our outlook and problems will always be different from our children's. Your son can't know/imagine what you have to face at work, much less "copy" your response to it. It doesn't fit him.

[good2go2001]

I have tried to hide alot of my depression and anxiety from PTSD from my kids but they have picked up on it. Kids are very smart at a young age to sense things even when you hide it. Just being able to openly talk about it with your son now is a huge positive. I still cant bring myself to talk to my younger kids about things... things that i have tried my best to shelter them from. I have opened up resently to my older adult children so they would have a better understanding of why things are the way they are.

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

I have PTSD and wonder if my children can "learn" some of the associated behaviors from me. ie hypervigilence, anxiety, depression. My 15 year old son displays some symptoms of PTSD (he has no trauma history, I'm not being naive, he has in his words had a "relatively normal life") Could he have learned these behaviors from me?