[Can't Stop Crying]

I've spent a lot of time in therapy identifying triggers and doing my best to diffuse the unavoidable ones... this time is so different and I think that's why it has knocked me off my feet. In the past, the triggers were always tangible..a word, a smell, an anniversary, a milestone in my childrens lives...Something I could always identify.
This time is so different...they are attacking me from out of the blue almost. I talked to my T about it on Friday, he said this time they are being triggered by emotions. I feel so helpless, desperate, lost. A lot of my feelings are coming from trying help my son with his depression. I wasn't prepared for so much to be stirred up in me. I'm drowning here.
I was better able to deal with the flashbacks when they were "action" based. Stuck in the memories and feeling miserable, but from a distance..emotionless.
Now they are full of what it felt like then...I feel like I'm turning into that scared little girl again and the feelings that I've suppressed for decades are destroying me...chipping away at any progress I thought I made.
When I first told T my story, he would say, "how did you feel?" I answered the generic answers...hurt, scared, alone. But, I never connected the word with the actually feeling.
The dots are beginning to connect and I'm not sure I can do this...

[danvb]

Hi...

Connecting the words with the actual feelings... wow. Good for you!

I would think that beginning to connect the dots, to make connections, might be upsetting. It would be upsetting for anyone.

One little thing at a time... you can do it. You know you can.

There are a lot of people here that you can turn to for support.

I hope you're feeling better soon!

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Can't Stop Crying))))

I am sorry things are so hard for you. I can understand what you are saying and I validate how you feel. Emotions are something that we never knew or felt and when they started coming it really hit hard. I do understand what you are saying and wanted you to know that you are not alone.

I am glad that you talked to t about it and that your t is there for you. Going through the memories in an action base I think many times we are still disconnected. I know many times I could tell about something as a matter of fact almost as if I was not really there. But once the emotions started coming it became so real.

Keep talking about it and reaching out. We are here and care. We are listening and you are not alone. I know that it feels alone as I have felt that so much lately too. When the emotions come it is hard to know how to feel them and it is scary as something that is so foreign. But they are there for a reason and you have a right to those emotions.

I really am sorry that you are feeling so much and that it feels so helpless but I do know what you are saying. It will get better with time as you are able to work through the emotions and put them where they belong. Attaching the emotions with the memory is hard to do but it is progress.

Please keep posting and reaching. Know that you are being heard and what you feel is okay as they are your emotions that have been there just held in a place until it was time. My heart goes out to you as I understand. Know that we care and are here for you. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[Sannah]

You have to do it........... And we can support you while you are doing it....