[Dahliaxx]

I wish I had told my mom what happened.
I wish I had done more about it.
I wish I had been strong enough to keep him away.
I wish I hadn't accepted his apology.

It's been four years and I still feel sick and dirty from what they did to me.
One of them came to me and apologized. He wanted to be friends. I let him stay in my life. And I regret it. I forgive him, but I cannot forget.

I hate what they did to me.

I feel like I allowed it to happen. And I feel like I let myself down by not doing anything about it. I worry that my mom will find out and think it was my fault.

Even worse, I'm scared she'll pity me.

I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to tell her.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Hang in there! The feelings you are feeling are quite normal after being victimized. I have a lot of regrets and still sometimes feel dirty and sick. Therapy can help overcome these feelings and help with healing. Are you seeing a therapist?

You don't have to tell your mom now, you can tell her if/when you feel comfortable. It must be difficult to have someone who hurt you in the past in your life now. Can you limit the amount of contact you have with him?

Keep posting, sometimes it helps to get those thoughts/feelings out.