[micky007]

Hello,this is my first time writing on this site.i came across it when looking for some answers...
When i was 18yrs old i was a back passenger in my friends car.to cut a long story short,we were coming home from a night out when another car crashed into us at speed,they were on the wrong side of the road.our car caught fire and burst up into flames.we were knocked unconcious."there was 2 in the front+3 of us in the back".lucky for us a driver coming behind us stopped and jumped out,ran over and smashed the back window of the car and pulled us out from the back seat.i started to come round at this stage.i could see the car in flames,but i did,nt no what had happened.the only person left in the car was the driver,my best mate.iam not sure weather he was unconcious or not.i have it in my head him saying to get out of the car straight after the crash.
there was a lot of people around because a bus load of people stopped.the car was ingulfed in flames and they could not get him out.He was burned alive in the car before the fire service came.
The drivers girl-friend died 3days later of head injuries.
I was the only on with no real serious injuries.i ha slipped disks and my body was black with bruises and large cuts on my head.
The other back seat passengers had brain damage, broken pelvis etc,but thank god they had a good recovery.
The two of them did not remember a thing,but i did.i remember it all,thats my problem.I seen things that night you would.nt see in a horror movie.
I devloped severe post traumic stress,flash backs,panic attacks etc..
my gp sent me for councelling.It took 4/5 years,but i was getting alot better,life was back to normal,i could deal with it now.
I am 33yrs old now and was living a great life until february of this year.i was a front seat passenger of a car that was in another accident.
no-one was seriously hurt,i hurt my back again and the driver hurt his neck.
That night when i went home i tried to sleep,but i cud,nt.i kept having flash backs of both accidents,they were both mixed together.as the days went on i was getting worse and worse.i was having night terrors/sleep paralysis when i got to sleep and got very depressed.its as if a switch was turned on in my head. i am with-drawn and depressed durning the day and i dread going to bed at night.the night terrors are frighting.i am trapped in the car and it is on fire.
Iam only working part-time,2 sort days a week and even at that i find it very hard with my back and severe PTS.
i went to see a councellor few weeks ago.He looked into my eyes and asked if i was taking medication/drugs.I said no.the pain killers were hard on my stomach and i had quit them.
The doctor said he hadnt seen that in years,he used to work in A&E DEPARTMENT and said he had only ever seen it when some-one was ready to die or overdosed on herione.????????
I feel like i am going mad.i dont want to be around anyone or do anything.
What i cant understand is that no-one was killed in the second accident,but i am worse now then i was when my friends were killed????
Can any-one relate to this??sleep paralysis/night terrors/depression with pts???
Why are my pupils so small??????
what help can i get???
thanks for any help ..............

[(JD)]

I'm on my way out the door when I saw this... just wanted to say yep. PTSD does not cure itself...it takes work and often therapy. Sorry to hear you've been triggered.

[Open Eyes]

micky,

I just want to tell you that once you have PTSD, you are easily brought back to it with another trauma. Remember how long it took to get headway the first time?
Well, your going to need time and good therapy.

I understand what your talking about, I have similar issues and it is really hard. I know exactly what you mean about sleep issues and all that goes with it, even the fear of going to sleep.

I don't know if you can take clonazapam, that really helps me. I am able to get some sleep and not have those terrible night traumas. It doesn't always work, I tend to shiver at night with anxiety and if I have a bad day than it comes at me at night.
I was trying to lower my dose and doing better except I am facing a deposition and well, welcome back to flashbacks etc. So, I have been struggling wondering if I should increase the dose. I don't care for the side effects but I have to do something to help me deal with the anxiety.

Just dont let yourself get to frightened, try to realize that yes, the two will connect.
And make sure you take time to get the therapy you need. Just remember, you did survive. As far as the injuries go, well it all depends on where you are in a vehicle and how it an accident happens. You were very fortunate the first time, you walked away, but not entirely as you do remember it all, but you did walk away.

I am trying to concentrate on the fact that life is very short and I am trying to remember to take some time and enjoy something, even if it is to simply know that I am at least here and have time left to recover. The truth is your never going to understand why things happen, and sometimes all we can do is just give it time and heal as best we can and realize that we were just allowed to survive. And we are not responsible for what happens to others. And you have to recognize that you are in some kind of state of shock and its going to take time to recover from that.

I think the best thing you can do is to keep telling yourself to relax and take deep breaths and quietly tell yourself, its okay, calm down, relax, Im okay repeating that.

See if you can try clonazapam, ask your therapist or pdoc. I have a sensitive stomach too and I seem to be ok on it. Actually it helps me calm down so my stomach gets a break in a way.

JD is right, she knows all too well. Easy does it, make sure you keep getting therapy.

Open Eyes

[Gently1]

Micky007sorry for your pain

PTSD can reactivate after 40 yrs, yet what I learned in therapy for me there were times when it has come out in little pieces that went 'unnoticed'. Or medium bits that I ignored.
Then there is the as you say the big event that changes brain chemistry back to the earlier path of depression/anxiety.

It has been a while since the night paralysis, mine are sound like a buzz and feeling of moving like being swept away. I thought I was going crazy but now that I know I am not crazy and SP is not uncommon.
When I do get this now I see where I can go and see, while trying to move my eyes to break the paralysis. The ride is fun but not that fun.

"the good news is that you benefited from T once, you can do it again"
and my best guess is that techiques have changed and some are more effective.

I myself could not handle the T without AD and ativan or clonazepam.
I am now at a point where the incident is more memory/part of my life instead of 'Ground Hog Day" like in the movie where I live it over and over again fresh.
take care,
G1

[Missingno]

You're not alone. That s--- can happen to anyone at anytime. The stress builds up, then boom, you're falling to pieces. Hope you start to feel better.