[OCDandAnxious]

I was just on the phone with my mom talking about my PTSD. I was physically abused a couple of times as a child and TONS of emotional abuse, both from my dad. Whenever I talk to my dad, even on the phone like tonight, it causes night upon night of nightmares and sometimes panic attacks. I told this to my mom who raised her voice at me and told me to "not be ridiculous". She says she doesn't think I have PTSD, even though I match the symptoms of the disorder and was formally and professionally diagnosed with a mental health provider. She said I wasn't even beat that much. True, but one or two times has left scars that will last a lifetime and the YEARS of emotional abuse did even more damage. I can't be around my dad, much less even talk to him in person or on the phone. I talked to him on the phone tonight and so I told my mom that I was going to end up having night upon night of nightmares now and she just tells me to not be ridiculous. I CAN'T HELP HAVING THESE NIGHTMARES. WHY WOULD I CHOOSE TO HAVE THESE NIGHTMARES?? I HATE BEING LIKE THIS. WHY WOULD ANY SANE PERSON CHOSE TO LIVE A LIFE LIKE THIS, PLUS SUFFER FROM OCD, PANIC DISORDER, AND GENERAL ANXIETY? I don't get it. No one listens except for my therapist. It's depressing. I'm out of Xanax to help with this anxiety, so I thought I'd look for a web site to post my feelings on and came across this place. My life is depressing.

I actually took offense to the response of her raising her voice and telling me to "not be ridiculous". Isn't a mom supposed to be a support person? I'm in my 20s, BTW.

-Anonymous

[Can't Stop Crying]

Sorry your mom is being so unsupportive. PTSD is real and can be caused by so many things. It doesn't matter if something happened once or a million times, there is no scale to measure the pain it caused YOU. Emotional abuse is the kind of abuse that leaves all the scars on the inside - it doesn't make the pain and suffering any less severe. Is there any way you can avoid contact with your dad? It is so hard to feel invalidated and you're right, mothers SHOULD be supportive. This was not your fault and you did not deserve to be treated poorly. I wish I had some magic words to make the nightmares go away - just know that you are not alone! Welcome to PC - I think you'll find this to be a very caring, supportive community.

[woodruff473]

I can relate. I too had a traumatic childhood and when I have talked to my mom about it in the past, she does everything but validate my feelings and memories. She says I'm rediculous too, a hypocondriac. I've tried to explain PTSD to no avail as she seems less and less interested in my mental well being each time we speak. Thus, I avoid speaking to her. It only proves to upset me, who needs it!?

[krisakira]

OCDandAnxious, your post sounds like something I myself could have written. My dad and my mom (mostly dad though) physically abused me as well as verbal/emotionally abused me very much my whole life (still in my 20s so my "whole life" is my childhood LOL). Yet whenever I tried in the past to bring up said problems, my mom laughed at me and told me it was ridiculous of me to think that what they did was abusive, especially the emotional stuff, although recently my mom has admitted to physically abusing me "just a little bit", she says, and thinks now that my dad physically abused me to. But when it comes to the verbal and emotional stuff, forget it they are in so much denial it's flooding Africa. (de nile river... ha ha ha.. ) I also get terrifying nightmares about my dad and dreams of me trying to beat him up but being unable to hit him hard enough. I have PTSD, Panic Disorder, MDD, and DID because of the abuse and other things, as well. It's not like we CHOSE to get PTSD, you have to literally have gone through something traumatic, not just make up all the symptoms. T after T tells me it was abuse and illegal and all this stuff, yet my parents still are in denial (except mom about the physical stuff, and that is only recently). Good luck with everything and maybe one day we can let go but I just do not see it happening for me. I feel like I will carry this around my whole life. But you know what I hate most? Every time I see my parents having a good time or laughing. I HATE it! Here they are having a great time, totally oblivious of all the pain they have caused me! Even after admitting to the abuse, my mom believes I should just get over it, since it is in the past. Yeah right, that isn't how it works. Sorry you are going through all this. If you ever want to talk just PM me. Take care.

[Purple Heart]

(((Ocdandanxious)))
I hear you well and clear. It sounds like your parents are toxic. Did you ever feel loved as a child? It seems now your mum is minimising your experience and your hurtful emotions. If what your saying is true you may have to decide whether you want contact with them as an adult?? You may find in time that when you have contact with them that you become depressed and you can’t live your life. I think you need to see a therapist? Are you seeing one? Those nightmares can be part of PTSD. Be determined and stay strong.

[zbmom]

You have a right to your feelings and to protect yourself. It doesn't matter what your mother thinks because she isn't living your life. If you need to cut off contact with your father for awhile you have the right to do that and it's OK to establish boundaries with your mother too. My mother was physically abusive to me growing up and my father was emotionally abusive, I've had to cut off contact with both of them for periods of time in the past and I've had to put boundaries into place to protect myself. Right now I don't answer the phone if my mother calls me, I wait until I am in a good state of mind and mentally prepared and then I call her back. With my dad I see him when I feel OK with seeing him. It's hard because society and even your parents will try to guilt you into thinking you HAVE to do this, or that to be a good daughter or a decent person or that you owe THEM something. It's BS and don't buy into it. You owe it to YOURSELF to feel safe and no one has the right to hurt you.

If you aren't in therapy now I strongly encourage you to seek it out when you feel ready. It helped me soooo much with the flashbacks and nightmares. I found hypnotherapy particularly helpful but I don't know if that is the case for other PTSD cases. I am now back in therapy for the second time for cognitive behavioral this time to help with all of my other issues and I wish I'd done it sooner. There is help, you can get better and you don't have to live the way you are for the rest of your life, there are lots of tools to manage it out there.

[Wilting]

I can't even talk to my dad anymore. It became too difficult. So I understand. Mom was the physical abuser, she's dead. But Dad... he wants my identy to be just like her, and I am not.