[Kmbpeace1171]

For the past several years I have had what counselors called body memories, in the past five days , my mind no longer allowed me to seperate the sensations from my mind, making it real and obvious something happened to me. I have been in intense physical pain for five days and I dont want to trigger so I wont say anymore than that, it has eased up today finally and now im just terrified. I started a journal that has way more detail than I thought I would ever possibly remember, I am taking it to counseling which I start on Wednesday. Thanks for listening, so scared and alone.

[Open Eyes]

Kmbpeace1171,

I am sorry that you are in so much pain, unfortunately I know what it feels like and I also know the fear and confusion it causes.

But what I do know that it is part of PTSD. And my hope is that over time and with counceling I will overcome it. And I know what you mean by having several days of intense physical pain and how confusing it can be. It is good that you have a journal and I do hope you take it with you to the therapist so you don't have to spend a lot of time talking about it.

I just wanted to take time out to validate you and tell you that you are not alone and it is very hard to explain to others around you. So coming to PC is good for you because just knowing your not alone really helps.

In my last session with my therapist he talked about PTSD and that when we go through or daily lives different events that take place are processed in our brains at night during rem sleep. But when we have very stressful traumatic events that create a lot of emotion and pretty much present us with a sense of urgency surrounded by an overwhelming flood of emotions and confusion, we don't really process these events normally. And I would probably describe it as if the brain must have a kind of built in ability to place those events aside without our really knowing it. Perhaps it is just our built in way of survival and at this point we are really just learning about it.

I know for myself I have been through many things in my life and I developed coping methods and somehow learned a way of disassociating from different events and pushing forward. I had no idea that somewhere in my brain all these events were being storred as kind of place for unsolved and unresolvable mysteries. And I truely felt that by just pushing forward these events were somehow over come.

With many people an event can take place that brings all these memories and emotions that went along with them forward. And as this happens we become incredibly sensitive and aware and yet it still remains a question. And for some reason we all of a sudden are overcome with all the somehow storred or suppressed stress, anxiety and confusion that it is very scarey. And the fear comes from the fact that we experience overwhelming sensations and we really don't understand why. And this also presents guilt, anger, fear, and a feeling of some sort of personal betrayl. We ask, "what is going on, and why cant I seem to ignore or control these feelings that come like waves of debilitating thoughts and feelings that I cannot seem to predict or control.

What I can say is that it is a beginning of a process where you are going to have to finally address whatever it was that you somehow pushed aside and thought it would stay there. And as you begin to do that you learn how certain things bother you that you were never totally aware of. And your now going to slowly address it.
There are things in those events that are triggers that we are often not even aware of and that is what you need to learn. Once you learn about the details that were stressful you will then realize how certain things that take place in your daily life can touch on those old hidden emotions that were never really dealt with. These triggers can be sounds, objects and facial expressions that relate to these events. It can be the way someone treats you, or reacts to you or a situation where you are placed in an atmosphere that troubles you or upsets you. And once you begin to address these various triggers you can begin to consciously defuse their ability to bring out the emotions that are attached to them.

It is a slow process and it is important that you talk out the troubles in your past that you never really understood or addressed so you can finally, with help, be validated and learn how to overcome the emotions.

Dont be scared and alone, you can always come to PC and write out your fears and even vent or as your doing now just talk about being scared. Km, your not alone, just know that, and keep in mind that much of this is emotions and concentrate on telling yourself that is all it is and they cant hurt you, they are just a question, not an event that is happening now.

One of the things that has really helped me is just coming to PC when I am feeling overwhelmed and even trying to find a way to relax and think positive thoughts.
I just visit the different forums that can be current events or other areas where people are just talking and asking questions and I slowly read the question and try to answer. I have even written long posts as I try to identify and describe different ways I am dealing with and understanding what PTSD means and how it has effected me. And I find that just reading and then writing helps me to focus and relax and get through the very hard days. And I have even vented and ranted here too. It is all about slowing down your thinking and yet letting things out too.

Let us know how you make out Wednesday. If you have any questions, ask. There are very good listeners here that are at different stages of recovery and they can be very supportive.

Open Eyes

[Kmbpeace1171]

Dear Open ty for writing, I am already looking for excuses not to go tomorrow to counseling been thru counseling for years already and this is as far as I have gotten

[eskielover]

It's important to go to your counseling.....remember, it takes work to get through the traumatic events that we go through....it doesn't just go away by magic. It may be a slow process, but better slow than never & some trauma's didn't just happen in an instant either.

Open your mind & your body to the healing you deserve.

[Kmbpeace1171]

Is a foggy memory of childhood combined with a ton of other signs that are present PROOF that something happened it seems without solid proof, just cannot accept this.