[I had no idea]

I left work several years ago when I had my first child. Since then I have had another and have been hit in the face with PTSD stemming from my childhood and many experiences since then. I essentially grew up in an abusive cult and years later the leaders of the cult finally were exposed and prosecuted for multiple charges. The last trial I testified in was the end of April. Over the past several years I started to figure out what happened to me because growing up in an environment like this was the norm. I have always let people mistreat me and take advantage of me because that was all I knew. During the period of trial preparation I started seeing a psychiatrist & therapist. The psychiatrist duped me again and was abusive and became very angry with me and had me locked up in a mental institution. This was not the move for a woman suffering with PTSD and the history mentioned above. My family did not know where I was and I had an infant I was breastfeeding. This happened last November and I had to have someone come in to my home and care for me for a few months afterwards. I am in the middle of EMDR and still far from stable. Due to my husband losing his job and having to find gigs on the side, I am having to go back to work so we can keep our house & put food onto the table...plus we need health insurance. I start work next week and am already having extreme anxiety about it, worsening nightmares and extreme tiredness....worse than usual. I'm feeling more and more unstable, but I am trying hard to hold it together for my family. The job I have is a great opportunity, but I will also be working with an abusive ex whom I used to live with. I have been an absolute mess for the past year and the thought of working is frightening. Am I going to make it or am I going to completely fall apart right off the bat?

Hello, I had no idea. Time will tell. I wish you the best.

http://psychcentral.com/stress/

[Open Eyes]

I had no Idea,
That is why my eyes are so open, because I had no idea either, welcome to PC. I am so very sorry that you were so misunderstood. Unfortunately I think that is what PTSD should really be called. And no matter how many efforts I make to explain it and how difficult it is to comprehend even for myself, the only ones that can identify are those that have it too.

You have a very big challenge. Not only about going back to work, but also being around someone who abused you while you are still working on the PTSD.
By the way, how is the EMDR treatment working? My therapist wants to do that with me and he did say that he has used it with a lot of patients and they have all said it really helped them. But, it does take time and can be exhausting so the immediate benifits are not always presented.

I have to admit that I would be leary too about being around a constant trigger person along with trying to get back to work and struggling with PTSD. I hope you don't have to be around this person in a contact way every day, that would be asking a bit much.

I wish I could ease your final statement, I ask that every day because my husband has a lot of triggers for me. My husband is aware that I have PTSD and he has made some efforts to be supportive, however he can have bad days where he hits so many triggers in me I am literally exhausted for days. And I have to be honest I often just want to run, but I cant, like you I have responsibilities where I have little choice but to try to press forward, and it isn't easy.

Do you have anything you take for anxiety issues? Something you could have with you if you have a bad day? Your going to have to be really strong and focus on the fact that what you are doing is for you and your not going to let that other person interfere with that no matter what. You may find that it can be something that you end up building strength against. Maybe you could let your mind wander around those memories in your EMDR session so that you build strength that way.

At least you have found a good place to come and get support. No one is going to call you weak or a cry baby here, people who have PTSD are very supportive here and are more than willing to listen and even be a shoulder to cry on or offer some good ways to think your way through it.

At this point, my advice would be to tackle this challenge one day at a time. Every day you have to mindfully tell yourself that you will become a stronger person and work your way through this. Try not to think too far ahead and also try to keep yourself from falling back into troubled feelings or memories.

And remember you have people here that will listen and actually be understanding and supportive.

Open Eyes

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by I had no idea

The job I have is a great opportunity, but I will also be working with an abusive ex whom I used to live with.

Hi I had no idea,

I'm sorry to hear how hard things have been lately. I can really relate to the depression and emotions turning into tiredness. My heart goes out to you. From your post I have to ask, is this job really worth it if you will be working in contact with an abusive ex? My inclination is to say - run the other way. But you know best, trust your instincts. Sending supportive thoughts your way...

E

[I had no idea]

Here's an update of how things went. Shortly after I made the post on here about going back to work my FT nanny quit on the spot. Well, she decided just not to show up anymore, that was her way of quitting. This was within days of me starting work so I had to leave my job before it even started. I feel better about things, but it was supposed to give some extra income which I am sad to see go. I hope to think that now wasn't the right time for me and I would have had a lot of issues. Plus, my son was in the hospital for most of the week anyway. Back to the drawing board!