[Lexicon78]

I was posting on another site about my sexual abuse from my step-father and started to have all kinds of physical flashbacks where I could feel all the fear and bodily sensations like I was 10 years old again and back in that situation. It's like the abuse never goes away.

Then I started crying. I was wondering if I ruined my mom's life by telling her about the abuse. Then I wondered if she was proud of me, or if she approved of me, or if she even liked me because of the way I look now...I gained a lot of weight after my step-father molested me. I can't seem to take it off, either. My brother and sister are both very thin, my mother is thin. Everybody but me. Is that ok with her? Was it ever? Or was a just a fat worthless person to her? I wonder these things sometimes. All because I was abused. The truth will never be known, either.

[JustBen]

Sorry this happened. Do you have any reason to believe that your mom might reject you because of your weight?

[(JD)]

(((((lexi))))) we can't (well, we can but) be trying to figure out what another thinks... esp when we are so down on ourselves... so often we aren't even close to what really is/was. My mom has an issue with heavy ppl... (I'm not heavy) but that is her problem.... if she can't understand that some ppl take out problems on themselves sometimes in the form of weight, then it's her problem (too)

You be the best person you can be right now.. and if that isn't good enough for her, it's tough to think, but that is her problem. TC

[desirae]

Sorry to hear about the sexual abuse.
I wanted to reply because I to experience these weird flash backs. I was never molested.....well at least from what I can remember. But I have these strange things happen to me.
What mine are like (and I've been having them since I was 13), is when I'm in the shower, I get real dizzy, then memories that I haven't thought of in years reoccur. Then my body feels like it's on fire, and I throw up.
They used to be very bad, to where I had to lie down. There not as bad anymore, and I can control them much better now.
I asked my T, when I was 16 about them and she said that they could be repressed memories I won't allow myself to remember. Repressing memories is a mechanism the mind uses, so it don't hurt to much.
Another mechanism sexually abused people do is gain alot of weight. Thier not aware that they gained weight to become unattractive, but they did unconsciencly. That way the person who abused them will not be attracted to them anymore.
But I'm not a psychologist. I'm just a kid who experienced the same sort of "stuff".
I'd talk to your T about this, because the sooner your able to figure them out, the sooner you can control them.
I hope it all works out for you.
Desirae