[Starbip345140]

I'm a student of self-improvement and yet the events of the past year have left me unable to pick myself back up. I experienced a devastating stress of losing my job by standing up for my co-workers against a boss who was threatening employees in physical and psychological ways, committing sexually harassing acts, bullying employees, discriminating against employees and more.

I used to work with my best friend and girlfriend. I used to work with many friends. None of them were able or willing to stand up for me when I got fired. And, the man who is guilty of these things still works there, continuing his track record of chipping away at most everyone's self-confidence and autonomy.

I am suffering from depression and, probably, PTSD. I have many signs and symptoms including panic attacks, inability sleeping, nightmares, inability to think about the event or place without experiencing severe anxiety and hopelessness, feeling like I'm a failure, thinking life has no purpose, and more.

I need a therapist but I'm out of money and I'm starting to affect other people. I'm unable to pay my rent but can't bring myself to tell it to my roommate. I'm putting strain on all of my relationships and friendships. I have trouble concentrating. I don't believe in myself anymore. I feel like a failure and have taken towards analyzing my life and painting myself as this evil person. I feel remorse for all of the mistakes I've made in my life.

I am lost. I am not meeting my responsibilities. I am insecure. I get irritable and angry easily with people I never got angry with much before. I have painful memories of the event that destroy my days. I eat so much more junk food than ever before. My body feels a fatigue like no other time - just consistent weakness.

I need help. I have no money for a therapist. I live in the New York Area. I've looked into places that provide discounts but I cannot even afford that. I could maybe afford one time or two but not consistent times and I need help more than one time. I don't want to promise something I can't follow through with.

I need help. Please and thank you.

[Open Eyes]

(((Starbip)))),

Oh, I am so sorry you have experienced that whole scenario. Something very "similar" happened to me where I was the only one to stand up, and I really was "alone" and the bottom line was others just didn't have the stength to stand up and support "me" either. And I was picked on and things were said about me that were not true, it was a big challenge for me.

It sounds like you "are" struggling with PTSD. This is going to take you time to work through, I can relate to not being able to afford help too. Sometimes I don't eat so I can get therapy, I just go without because the most important thing is your mental health.

Sweetheart, there is "nothing wrong" with standing up to "abuse" and unfortunately people that choose to do that often stand alone. You "are" a strong person, nothing wrong with you, it is just very "disappointing" when even though you stand up, justice doesn't happen, I hear you. But, that doesn't mean life isn't worth living and you are forever doomed to feel the "injustice" so "personally". It often takes a long time to see a change in "bad situations" where abuse and negligence is involved.

You did the right thing, even if other people "don't give you the credit you deserve".

You are going to have to be "patient" with how this is challenging you right now, it is going to take time to calm down and make peace with all of this in your mind. You have to find a way to reach out for help somehow too. And you have to speak up "for yourself" when you "can't make the financial commitments". If you get help, you might be able to get financial asistance until you get back on your feet. Maybe you can apply for disability, if you live in the States.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes