[Tamster]

Anybody ever feel like their aggressor is still in the room torturing you. I can feel the blows and the different feelings that I did that day. He is right in my face a again.

[RainbowRoad]

Yes, I do feel this quite often. I... don't know what else to say, or comfort to offer, other than I understand. I'm so sorry...

Yeah, with every episode or flashback I feel that same impossible to describe sensation that he lives inside my head.

But it is not real. That's what I do when it happens, I repeat to myself like a thousand times out loud "It's not real" and just detach and blank my mind. What helps is usually to think of a color, I think of white.

I know this doesn't make much sense, because fact is it doesn't anyways but those are small things I do to avoid hurting myself more when this happens. You can't stop it but with time (and lots of detachment from it and from him/her) you will get to a point that it is no longer the priority of your day.

One thing my doctor has made clear is that I need to desensitize those thoughts, your brain will always be functional and there may be times in your life you will encounter similar situations like you'd be walking down the street and maybe see someone being nasty to someon else and have that as a trigger. I mean, in any city or basically anywhere you may see things that will remind you somehow. So what he says is that I need to drain those emotions (in therapy, which is a safe place with someone that will help) in order to regain control of what hurts you and what doesnt.

It all sounds easy, but it's easier said than done.

I do not lose faith. I have my craptastic days but I know deep down time and effort combined will be on my side. It has been so far because thankfully it is not as bad as it was back in 2008.

[Tamster]

Wow thanks guys!
Just to know someone understands! How kind. Yesterday I was lying in bed and saw the most horrible things, memories I haven't remembered in years. I'm going to try and replace them with something, like color.

[Open Eyes]

Yes Tamster, I have that myself and I hear, see, feel, smell things that are from way back in my childhood experiences involving abuse. I am talking 50 years ago, amazing that my brain remembers so many details after all these years. I have come to realize that I was way more stressed than I realized. But that is how our brains are designed so that we can always remember any kind of threat. But also know that there are PLEASANT things we remember as well. We can remember the smell of cotton candy and candy apples from our childhoods, the smell of a fresh cut Christmas tree, our mother's nail polish and perfume, our favorite dishes prepared for us as children or at other times in our lives.

So make sure you don't just relate these kind of memories as punishment and remember that the brain takes it ALL in, good and bad.

Oh, yes Tamster, you are definitely not alone in these experiences.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[AngelWolf3]

I just want to let you know that I am thinking of you and that you are in my thoughts. You are definitely strong, and that you are here to tell about it is evidence of that.

One thing that was recently suggested to me was to create a place in your minds eye where those awful and real experiences are reoccurring to you. A place where you feel safe, even if it is made up.

It sounded silly at first, but I tell you what, I tried it, and I actually fell asleep for once without awful images in my mind. (it took a while, but eventually it worked.)
What helped me was imagining tactile things, like wrapping my arms around a big fluffy malamute by a river and my shoes off so that I can feel the grass at my feet. Weird, but works. (at least for me, for now.)

(I don't even know if this will help you, but I was willing to try anything to get the images and flashbacks out of my head)

[Tamster]

Wow is it good to know I'm not alone! The smell of cotton candy, mmmm. I loved to sit with my last dog she was such a cuddler. She was I'll though and I had to let her go, that's ok she is not suffering now. Still fond memories. Open Eyes it's comforting to know that someone else has different types of hallucinations too, not so alone feeling. You guys are awesome thanks for being here it helps so much.