[Hellion]

Could it be my mental state has went from bad to horrible, to more horrible because even though I suck at remembering dates my sister reminded me the other day that the thing that caused the PTSD happened on a day that's coming up? Also I am kind of nervous about my appointment on the same day...as that. But yeah I've pretty much been really on edge since I had a panic attack sunday morning. It was when I was visiting my brother and his girlfriend so I went home after and tried getting some rest and was too anxious so I called my sister and she came over to talk which was helpful for the time being and then a friend of mine picked me up to go to his house where things aren't as stressful...Anyways, I didn't get much sleep last night and so far I've got no sleep tonight and its 3 in the morning. I've actually been feeling pretty weird since earlier today as well besides just being on edge...not sure how to describe it.

I just feel like crap in general and as if purposely bumping my head against a wall twice within the past week when I was feeling stupid for causing arguments wasn't enough I accidently ran into a door and got a nice bruise around my eye the night before sunday....and also the food I made earlier doesn't seem to do any good I've had two bowls of filling spaghetti only to have my body burn of all the calories so i am still just as hungry but I honestly don't think I have an appetite right now, so I will probably have a cigarette so I don't feel as hungry.

I don't even know what to do with myself...listening to music doesn't even seem to do much for me anymore, and I am worried about where this appointment will lead...I mean I can't very well go on like this, but at the same time I have to admit I'm too mental to function...usually with mental health type appointments I am more busy trying not to say anything 'concerning' but I think I'm passed that point.

And this disorganized ramble thing took me about an hour to type.

[Yoda]

PTSD sucks and anniversaries have always been difficult for me too. It does get better but for me it has been slow.

Watch this video for three minutes and perhaps you might find a smile.

[Hellion]

Well I do like funny cat videos.

not sure it will get better though, I mean I feel a little better than I did earlier for now...but overall its not seeming that way.