this will trigger

When I was small I was in a sex ring. We had a leader I'll call C. C was very manipulative and brainwashed me a lot. Even though I lived a few houses away and was not physically kidnapped. Emotionally I was hijacked all the way and I might as well have been separated physically from my family. He would sell me to other men for brief periods of time and I was taught massive loyalty to C and only C and only people that C authorized as okay. To this day I have no loyalty to people. I can't get close to people. I am 25 now. I can't get close to any other man and even get excited if I see people who look like C, which inside sickens me . I can't get close to my family. I have to constantly tell people I'm okay. And I'm sure there is a ton of other stuff that I don't even know exists that I am still programmed to do. My socialization skills are very poor. I can't look anyone in the eye. I am not able to work at all because of my socialization skills.

Do I need deprogrammed or something?

It makes it look like I am seriously mentally ill. But it doesn't really make much sense. I do have DID, and PTSD, but some things just don't add up to my mental illness and people are starting to wonder what's wrong with me being 25 and not having a grip on this, despite being to a lot of treatment.

[Onward2wards]

Deprogramming is a good word for it. I wish you all the best.

[volatile]

Could you not try baby steps in trying to deprogram yourself? If you know that is what it could be that is causing you to be a certain way, then do the opposite of what was taught and enforce the behavior with positivity, reward yourself for opening up emotionally to people, etc. You have to change your mind forcefully, that is the only way. Think of it like a puzzle or science experiment. I suggest you seek a therapist that is specialized in this though as it can be dangerous.
also, screw other people and what they think.

[Big Mama]

I have my own sexual abuse issues and issues with men in particular. I also have issues with people in authority. I avoid folks and do not give eye contact. Even if I am talking to someone. But with trauma Therepy I have learned skills that make me appear normal for lack of better terms. I can't look people in the eye. One of the first things I learned was to look between peoples eyes or there forehead. This gives the appearence of eye contact. It is much easier then eye contact.

Find a good T. It works wonders. Deprograming I'm not so sure about. Being given new coping skills absolutely possible. Deprograming may be possible it's just something I have no experience with. Best of luck to you.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am in a similar process.

My mentor is doing this sort of, teaching me basic life skills, social skills, and letting me go at my own pace. Above all, he gives me lots of validation and support.

Broken (formerly Billi)

I have sort of had to "trick" myself into stuff. Or even bribe myself. lol. It's bad. I'll trick or bribe myself to hang out with a friend once or so, and then I never want to do it again and then that friend pushes me away because they keep asking and I keep saying "Yea maybe". Usually I need people to just be pushy, show up at my door unannounced and say "we're going somewhere". Then I can't think about how I can't. I just can't. "I CAN'T". Most of my friends are afraid to push though, they're afraid they'll push me away, but I'm not actually that sensitive. I've had the same friends since I was young. Most of them dangle on a stick as I sit here and decide what I'm doing with myself. They're afraid to leave. But they're afraid to stay. So they just dangle. I can't reach them, and they can't reach me.