I died once...

Back in July, 2012, my 22 year old boyfriend at the time (I am 17) convinced me to smoke the synthetic weed, spice. After taken three hits of spice, I started not having control of my body as it was flailing around. I went unconscious, and didn't move, speak or breath for about five minutes. I was legally dead when the ambulance arrived, my heart started beating again and I began screaming, as hard as I could for an hour straight because I knew I had died. It was a scary movie situation, the more I screamed the less I saw of this black cloud to the left of me, I was literally climbing out of death, I was rushed to the hospital and released the next day. Ever since,when ever I hear of someone dying, I break down into tears, when I think of the word possibly ending, I freak out again. In English class, our teacher was talking about how everyone dies and I broke Dow. Into to hysterical crying and was picked on and made fun of because I'm just terrified of dying now. Before I actually died, I had attempted suicide three times, and I had a cutting issue, now I'm like out to save the world. I want to help people understand that death isn't the way to go. But, the problem is, my fear of dying is taking control of my life, and it's really starting to have a toll on me. I have been thinking if going to see a therapist or psychologist but I don't know how to approach my grandmother about it, who just laughs about the situation and thinks it's all in my head... it is, yes, but it happened and she can't accept the fact I'm traumatized from it. I really just need help......

((Many Hugs))

Very scary situation you have been in.. very admirable that you want to help others to find a different way than death

I think you should talk to some one regardless if your Grandma think it is some thing to brush off or not... this is bothering you, you should get it out there and get some help- especially if you feel like you are stuck.

Mention that you are 17, can you talk to a school counselor by chance to help you out if your grandma does not want to get you into help?

There are also County therapists that I am sure would love to talk to you and that would love to help you out- but I am not sure if you have to be 18 to sign up (I don't think for all there programs to be honest, in my county there is a youth group that goes on at the County Therapy offices)....

Many hugs to you and many good thoughts...

keep posting if you feel ok to

My only issue is that i do not know if my grandmother will even allow me to go talk to someone, i do not talk to the school counselors because they just call and inform my grandmother of everything that i discuss with them, even after i ask them not to. I might just have to deal with until I am 18.

I don't even know what to say...I am so sorry your grandmother thinks it is all in your head. I mean, hello, the word LEGALLY should ring a bell in her head!!! (I hope you don't think that was rude, I am just shocked with you.) I didn't know counselors at school could call and disclose information! Do you have maybe a pastor at a church you could talk to? I don't know, I am not trying to bring religion into it or anything, but I am trying to think of a trustworthy person who you could talk to without worrying about it getting back to your grandma.

Lots and Lots of Hugs your way. I have never known/talked with anyone who has had that happen to them, so I don't know what to say, except you are in my thoughts!

and yes, please keep posting if it is ok.

You need to talk to someone regardless of what your grandmother says. This has become a very real issue for you and it needs to be dealt with. Does grandma love you? If she does then she wants the best for you and if that means help then so be it. I bet she's just thinking that everyone is afraid of death and you are no different. She doesn't realize how traumatized you are and you need to make that clear to her.

I have had dreams where I thought I was dying and once I woke up so hard from one that I thought I really had died and then come back (not brain dead, just not breathing or heartbeating).

I think I died too.

I hope you can talk to someone strong who can help you with this.

Carol

Hello,
Man you are really daredevil person. I think you have a mental problem better you should consult with the psychologist. Don't mind..

Also keep in mind that your grandmother's generation didn't seek any kind of help/therapy.
It was hush-hush & they swept it under the rug.

Please don't give up on convincing your grandmother that you need help.
You DO need to see a T and probably a pdoc. These issues are very hard to sort out on your own.
Is there a teacher, school nurse, adult friend or other relative you could confide in to get some help.

Please keep posting & give us updates on how you're doing.
Wish you only the best, don't give up.