[splitimage]

I started my Seeking Safety group at my psych hospital this past week. Seeking Safety is a group designed specifically for people with PTSD and addictions. It's a group I've wanted to do for a few years, and I've had multiple of my Dr's recommend it, as they all feel that the missing piece for me in terms of addiction treatment has been the trauma piece.

But the group was super triggering. There are a couple of people in it who are still active in their addictions and have stated that they have no intention of stopping - that's only mildly triggering, I can cope with that.

But what really got me, was everyone there was a victim of childhood SA. And some of the women were really vocal about talking about it, and trying to get into detail about it. That massively triggered me, as it's a subject that I've kept very tightly repressed until relatively recently, it's only been in the last year that I've been able to even mention it in T.
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It also doesn't help that the group is being observed for training purposes, though a one way mirror - that kind of freaks me out.

I almost burst into tears at one point, but managed not to cry, but I did wind up tracing the scars on my one arm with a fingernail as a means of grounding myself.

But I was so upset after the session, that I was physically shaking. I tend to express all emotions physically. I needed to take extra clonazapam to calm down (I have my pdoc's permission to do this occassionally) and I basically spent the rest of the day in bed.

Obviously I can't have every day be a complete writeoff after every session, so I've got to come up with some coping strategies. I think I'm going to take my little stuffed dog with me to the next session to hold onto, to help keep me grounded. And I definitely need to schedule a debrief call with someone after the session.

I really want to continue with the program as I think it will help me, but it is really intense.

splitimage

[unaluna]

I would find out if leaving the room for a few moments is allowed? When I was taking DBT, there were a couple of sessions where I did leave - I left all my stuff on the table, but I couldn't stay there. One, another person was just acting out too much. But another session they were "drumming" on the table, and I couldn't handle the noise. We always had 2 or 3 counselors in the room, so it wasn't a problem, one could easily leave, and it wasn't that disruptive. Aside from that, I guess it means it's an opportunity for you to work on this apart from this class, so the class can be in addition to your own work?

[Open Eyes]

(((Splitimage))),

Oh, if you find that you are just "not" ready for this group situation, you need to protect "you".

I can relate because when I came to PC and visited the Abuse forum, I felt "very uncomfortable" too. I had not even talked to my T about my history yet, actually I was even inbetween T's for a while.

I think that atmosphere would be easier for you if you had worked through this part of your life first with your T and you could provide "more support" and not be so bothered by others "needing to reveal" their histories. It is clear that when that happens they have gotten beyond where you are now.

Do you think it makes you feel "pressured" that you have to "reveal" as well?

Honestly?, I probably would have felt just like you in that kind of situation with "live" people. My husband had signed me up for a support group in my state that was a "live" group and when I saw my "real name" open to the public, I was severely triggered and I felt very violated and insisted he get me out of that group.

Maybe tell your T how you reacted. You have come such a "long" way, you need to make sure this is ok for "you".

Keep us informed,

We care about how you make out.

Open Eyes

.....journey of a thousand miles...begins with the first step