[LostMom3]

I met my first husband 2 weeks before my 15th birthday. My best friend talked me into going out with him since she wanted to go out with his best friend. The first six months were okay. I was not allowed to go out with him alone. We went to different schools, so I only saw him on weekends. Then he started with the jealousy. Wanted to know who I talked to everyday and who my friends were at school. It gradually got worse. Then it got better when I turned 16 and was allowed to go on real dates with him, for a little while anyway. I wouldn't have sex with him and it did cause issues. We would break up and get back together often. Still only seeing each other on weekends. He started messing around with other girls at his school. When we would break up, I would try to date someone else and he would stalk me. I went out with a guy I had met one night, and my ex followed us. He tried to run us off the road and chased us. The poor guy finally took me home and never called again. When I was 17, I was kicked out of my house for being on the phone past phone curfew, after I refused to let my aunt spank me with a belt. I moved in with my friend and her mom. I worked and payed rent and still went to school. Living out of my aunts home, I was able to see my ex more. One day he drove up as I was standing in the yard talking to a neighborhood guy. My ex called me a really bad name and punched me in the jaw, then left. I forgave him and things went well for a while. Then I finally gave in and had sex wth him on my 18th birthday. That is also the day he beat me for the first time. He broke my nose and bruised my ribs, and he choked me until I almost fainted. I still did not break up with him. Stupid, I know.I moved back home and found out I was pregnant shortly after that. When my aunt and his mother found out, they insisted we had to get married. I quit school and got married on the same day. January of my senior year. Everything was good for the duration of my pregnancy. He was very protective then. But when our son was about 6 months old, the abuse really started. I was choked, had ribs broken, had concussions, and had a gun put to my head.( I hAd taken the bullets out and hidden them, Thank God) I begged my aunt to let me go back to her house. She would tell me I had made my bed, now lie in it or that divorce was a sin and I would go to hell. I finally saved enough money to file for divorce, and was going to stay with my sister. I had my son and all of our clothes at her house. I went to tell him I was leaving and had filed for divorce. He hit me so hard I fell ibto the bedroom door and it came completely off the hinges, then he hit me in my face and dislocated my jaw. But I got away and got a restraining order.
It has been almosr 22 years since I divorced him. I still cringe and jump when I hear a man with a loud and angry voice. I cring when a man gets in my face and is angry. If my boyfriend and I are playing, he tickles me and sometimes he goes to tickle my neck, I gasp like I am being choked and sometimes burst into tears. I dream about the abuse sometimes, amd wake up crying.
How do you get rid of memories like that?

[jelly-bean]

I don't think you ever get rid of the memories. You just learn how to deal with them and you should see a counselor to help you do that. I hope that you can make arrangements to see one soon. Good Luck!

[Nammu]

Lostmom3 I used to have memories like that and react to loud noises and angry men. Being a surviver of domestic abuse can cause many emotional triggers. I too was once married to an abuser, and counseling helped. I have had therapy from T's who specialized in abuse and trauma, and I have gone to group therapy and counseling at safe houses for women.

Perhaps you can start by finding out if there is a place for abused women in your area. I think most places have an information number for services or your local hospital might have a SW who can tell you where to go. Someplace's do not say where the safe houses are and some are more open and easy to find. There is the National Domestic Violence Hotline too that can direct you to help find counseling, their number is 1-800-799-safe (7233). You can also find them on line and read about this, you are not alone in experiencing these things.

You did not cause the abuse, you were not stupid and God doesn't want people to live that way even if they are married. You did the right thing getting your son out of that situation. Things can get better. Best of luck in finding help.

[LostMom3]

Thank you for sharing the info. I know where a safe house is in my old hometown, but not this one. Maybe now I can try to find one. It is embarrassing to jump everytime my boyfriend makes a move or sound. He is just naturally loud and he startles me for a moment

[michele#3]

I am so sorry that this happend to you. Nobody deserves to be treated like you were!
I do know what it's like to have a gun put to your head. It happend to me. It wasn't a D.V. situation, though.
A good therapist can give you tips on how to cope with the anxiety that comes with these memories.
Another thing that you can do is to remind yourself that that was then and this is now. It does help somewhat.

[Inedible]

There are studies showing that the blood pressure medicine propranolol can strip the emotional content from traumatic memories, so that they become just factual content. It might be worth looking into, if you want to try Googling recent studies involving the beta blocker propranolol.