[suzzie]

not sure if this is the right forum for this question. sorry if its not.

i constantly feel separate from others. different. cant connect. dont have a place to fit into life. i feel like i exist behind a wall. watching the world. but not able to step in. and be a part of it.

is this just wrong thinking. or really my reality. it feels real to me. everyday.

[Gadgetsmile]

I know that feeling, but a feeling might be just that. Now this is going to be slightly hypocritical of me and I apologise, I'm no good at following my own advice but the only way to not be behind that wall is to get round it and talk to people, integrate into the world, become a part of it. I'm only just starting to try and socialise more, get out of my bubble and interact. I have made an acquaintance at my daughters school and hope to turn it into a friendship. I don't have many as I isolate myself way too much. But I want to try again. Just got to be more careful in who to trust.

Hope you feel better soon

((hug))

[Hellion]

I feel that way to, I think it is a fairly common symptom. To me it's one of the worst, like it can hit me pretty hard if I am just trying to enjoy time with friends or family, I'll just feel detatched and distant like they're all enjoying themselves and I might be trying to act like I am but its not how I truly feel. I feel like I'm just watching from a distance.

Its difficult to explain to people and makes me feel like I piss people off by bringing down their mood with it, hence the act but lately I am not so good at doing that unless I get drunk but that hasn't worked out too well the last couple times. But yeah I kind of understand the feeling.

[skeksi]

Ugh, I get this so much. It's a painful feeling. Sometimes meditation and grounding exercises help me feel a little more "there." It's a hard symptom--but it is that, a symptom--it's not just you, it's not a flaw in you.

[Open Eyes]

(((Suzzie))),
I have felt that way at different times in my life as well. I have felt that way last year especially when the PTSD symtoms were bad. I personally feel that what it means is that one is really more disconnected with one's self.

I think that came from my childhood and often feeling "not good enough" somehow.
I did find that when I was around children, babysitting, and reading them stories, I was much more able to "connect" because children don't truely "judge" like adults do.
Children just like to be paid attention to. That is really how I learned to open up and even get more in touch with myself.

Often times people can be "shy" or "distant" or even "disconnected" because they don't know themselves and would rather be "invisible" somehow. If someone suffered abuse, they learned to "look away" from the abuser, especially if they were children.
So, when they get older and feel uncomfortable, they may feel that need to look away as well.

It takes time to learn more about one's self, and also learn to be "friend to self" and slowly a confidence can be built up so that it gets "easier" to connect to others. We begin to realize we are not very different from others.

Open Eyes

[shezbut]

I have been really struggling with this myself.

I absolutely HATE feeling so withdrawn and blank inside. I can't even fake normalcy, which does bug others. I smile anywhere from 0-3 times per day. Usually just a very brief and light grin. For the most part, however, I just want to zone out and leave reality,

It sure does stink, but you aren't alone.

[suzzie]

i dont think i will ever connect with others. theres something missing. it can never been. i may want it. but it cant be.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I feel similar, suzzie.

My trust has gone to zero point 2 with people. I am in survival mode; only deal with them if I *really really have to*.

I too want to connect but I am so scared I am going to keep getting hurt over and over again. Or I am still convinced, somehow that I am so marred (probably by being ritually abused) that I shouldn't be around anyone.

Carol (used to be Billi)