Feeling Desperate

I have had PTSD for a long time and I have been in treatment consistently. Now it has been over 6 months since I have been in the hospital, which is a big improvement for me.

The problem is that right now I am in-between housing and I had to move back home while my new place is being fixed up. I'm not living in an abusive situation, but I'm back in the same town that for me is a place of nightmares.

This sense of despair has been creeping in and burrowing into my heart. I visit friends and go back to my treatment providers in the city that I have been living in, but when the day is over I have to come back to this awful place. I try to explain why it is so terrible, so triggering, just to be back in this town, but I can't convey the pain and confusion in a way that others around me can truly understand.

I have been trying every coping strategy on my list. Talking to supportive people, taking meds, walking my (super awesome) dog, cooking meals, watching tv, listening to music, reading, writing, and even calling my T.

What else can I do? Nothing can alleviate the horror that I feel when the lines are blurred between my past and my present. I feel as if I am in the Twilight Zone and I keep entering the world of my past and I can't keep everything straight anymore.

I'm desperately trying to find any solution that will not put me in danger, but I also feel that I am on the verge of tapping my support network dry. I was watching a comedian who joked about how he had two friends: the main friend to call when freaking out, and the backup friend to call when he needed to give the first one a day off. I think everyone supporting me needs a day off, heck I'd like a day off!

Thanks for reading!

I know what you mean by wanting a day off.