Triggered Again

I can't get through one day without flashbacks and triggers anymore.

All I did was wash the freakin dishes! I was washing one of Andy's cups...a new cup for coffee since he started drinking coffee recently.

It happened. I looked at the cup...but I wasn't in my apartment anymore...I was at a sink, yes, but I was back in my old town, Oil City. And I was in HIS house. The blue cluttered kitchen...with Duke, a black lab, outside laying on the porch. Jim would be home in a few hours...then I snapped out of it.

I'm not in Oil City anymore, and I live in a nice apartment. No blue walls here...no cluttered kitchen, either. And Jim? Jim's in jail because I put him there for making me touch a little girl and strangling me.

But the coffee cup...Jim had hundreds exactly like it. A freakin cup!

I'm really sorry Lexi. I am thinking of you.

I have gone through many flashback cycles the first being about 20 years ago. Back then I was with JEH and I didn't know what they were called or what caused them and how to take care of them. All I did know was that no matter how hard I tried I couldnt avoid having them.

So the first step for me was to go to my couselor when one was hitting so that she could tell me what was happening to me. When I did that she was able to tell me that what was going on was called having a flashback. She told me that Flashbacks are pieces of traumatic events - a sound, picture, feeling, smell, a taste, associated with a memory of the abuse situation. She also told me flashbacks have patterns and are usually in pieces and the trick to making them go away was to put the pieces together like a jig saw puzzle. Then she had me keep a flashback journal - a notebook where I wrote down my flashbacks, what they were, what time they happened and what I was doing when they happened this way we would be able to find the patterns - hardest days and times, what types - easy medium and hardand so on.

Writing them down made matching them up easier- this picture went with this sound went with this taste went with this smell and so on

Once I had the whole situation put together then she said we had to desensitize me from it by drawing and writing and talking and creating it with craft projects so much that it no longer bothered me to say it, read about it or draw it. or see it.

After I have learned everything that my brain wanted me to remember about that situation and it no longer bothers me the flashback will go away.

Ever since then I have followed JEH's way and have come out on top with my flashbacks.

I'm sorry sweetie!

Flashbacks are sometime hard to deal with.

I really feel like a mess right now.

I dreamed about my ex all night long!

(((((((((lexicon))))))))) if ok...

Kat

Hugs are always ok!

(((((((((((((Lexicon)))))))))))))) I am so sorry this is happening. Please be kind to yourself. I am thinking of you.