[beauflow]

questioning myself... valid or just triggered

I work nights., have for about six years now with a break of about half of year on days about three years ago.

I work where it's said to be secure,we all have to badge in to our areas with our own, badges. I know a part of me has been in the, illusion that work is safe.

About a year a go this person from another department started to use a locked door that leads from the hallway to our area.without badging in.
It has been brought up and how he talks to me as well has been brought up. There was a slight confrontation due to the stupid coffee machine and I was told to police it, so I did what I was told and let guy know it was only for our guest personnel. He got rather snippy and rude with me about it, I asked who And got who his supervisor was and gave the information and incident to my supervisor. eventually The upper management told my supervisor to take care of the problem.
She tried to get the door lock changed due to how the guy is getting into our area is a breach of security.well evidently that fell through due to some sort of code..i didn't find that out til recently.. I noted the times the guy came threw through out the year.
I had hoped that we got off on the wrong foot and took into consideration I was triggered with all that had happened and tried to be pleasant.

A month or so ago The guy asked if he could sleep on one of our couches giving a story he was so tired and unsafe to drive and was on call ... Since he was still using the passage way and I didn't know the lock couldn't be changed, I told, him my shift was ending soon and Saturday first shift was coming in soon but for that time he could. He claimed he knew the person who was coming in and they always let him crash. I didn't know if this was true or not because when ww had our first encounter he claimed to know another person but the name was wrong and the shift he claimed to know said they'd seen him but didn't know him.
I wrote my supervisor on it asking what she'd like me to do the next time if he came back and asked.
She really didn't want him in the area so suggests to do a sign in and escort him while he was in the area. Well that thought never got into the works because she never got the sign in sheet to us.
Since that happened, one person that I work with said they'd talk to the guy because they've had casual conversation with him and they'd ask him to stop coming in. he came in again a few Weeks a go but there were people in, so he didn't stop by my desk atall. As in the past he has only came to my desk when No one is in.
Last Saturday morning the guy came on with another guy. No onewas on site with me so I was alone.this time he asked where my coworker was that mentioned they'd talked to him to stop coming in. that coworker never works nights and this guy has been doing this for about a year. I just said 'they never work nights'
in a smart allick tone he made the remark he must just be tired.And gave me a dirty look.

To say the least I am afraid to go to work with out something today...
While I realize I'm triggered, I also don't think this is right.

I have again wrote about this incident and told others in my department. Not sure what the answer is yet as that was Saturday morning.

I just really hate it when I question myself if I'm valid or is it just my ptsd being triggered .

I'm not me when this guy comes I get stiff and baffled with what to say let alone that he needs to go .. About like paralyzed which I hate me for being like

feel so invaded by this person. Also I was scared for the remainder of my shift after he left. Keep looking over my shoulder.

Sorry this is long and on my phone.

Just hate that I'm scared and may have to admit it upper management. Then I worry if im valid

Feel like taking pepper spray with me again at work... Which is like a step back for me as well with paranoia

[Open Eyes]

(((beauflow))),

I think you have valid concerns here. This guy keeps coming into your area even after you have told him not to. You are alone when you have to deal with him as well, so I can't blame you for feeling rattled, PTSD or no, I have to say that anyone would be rattled and afraid in this scenario. I think you need to "put in writing" your concerns about this situation. That way if you continue to be challenged you have already put your concerns in "writing".

(((Hugs)))
OE

[unaluna]

Yeah I would be worried this guy is stealing stuff. I don't think he's out to do anything to you. Just document it by email or whatever that you notified people. I don't think you're required to stop him, you're not the cops.

[beauflow]

Thanks Open Eyes and Hankster.

I know this may be simple for some but I get confused some times if I am "valid" or over reacting.
I think that and "at times believing I deserve to be scared by this person" and that "no one cares" are part of my PTSD coming through and the paranoia and the thoughts that I had last Saturday (not normal, and yes of them hurting me)......- not the actual occurrence.. as I think many women or even some men would not like what I have to go through with this guy.

I am told this is being looked through today.

The first time I made the comment that i was "very unnerved" with this guy coming in as he was to Upper Management that was in an email. Guess I need to out right say I am scared? Which I hate to admit; which that just reminds me of-- tear me down before any help *may come* and even then, it may never come.
I also am afraid that my Supervisor will get snippy with me about not getting names too, due to I get frozen when this guy shows up--- I have mentioned to her of mood swings but I don't remember if I ever told her of PSTD for me (i was really ashamed of that dx and I am sorry for that).... and right now I really don't want to tell her of any of my problems. due to how she uses things against us at times, and she seems to be on a rising wave again.

Hankster you are right, I am not the police- the worse thing is that a few years ago a tv was stolen at work, I thought due to that bringing up that would help but it seems not to matter... Basically if something is missing it is my behind for it being gone. The tv went missing over a holiday weekend and I still got threaten with my job and being fired.
So even though I am not to confront anyone, I am to confront anyone- As I said, I was told to Police the Coffee Machine- At first I was told not to, then I was told it was my job. I took that in good stride (as in, I let people know once or twice, and if they continued I told myself, I can not control other people, and they already know the rules- so not my problem really).

This is just another thing to put down on "Why I need to leave" i guess......

Been looked into for about a year now- think that is about as far as it ever will go. I don't think it will stop.

If anything ever happened with my worse thoughts- I would not be able to forgive anyone that knew of this problem as of now- which includes Upper management on the customer side.