I have just found this site just read some of the threads and thought of doing one.

When I was 15 years I was sexual assaulted by 2 boys at my school, from that day I think I am suffering with PTSD, I am now 37 years old and from that day I have struggled throughout my life with sex and trusting men, I have been married but struggled through that also with sex, I do have 2 kids but which are my life, has been nearly a year from the time I spilt up my marriage because he could not cope with me not giving him sex, this guy knew from day one that I had this problem but has years went on he just wanted more and more sex and I just did not want it, I hated it I could not cope with the male private parts. I have thought about other things about myself you know like if I bat for the other side, I don’t know why I am feeling this way is it my past at 15 or with the breakup of my marriage or as this been in the back of my head for years.
From a child I was a tom boy, playing football, did not like wearing dress’s and did not like wearing make-up. I like playing Xbox and like watching more of the action films than romantic films.
I was a late starter, first sexual time was of the age of 23 with my ex, I have only had one man in my life, so never had the experience of different men.

Just wondering if anyone has been though this like me and got out the other side, i will like to hear what other people have been through.

[sweepy62]

I have had a problem with intimacy for the longest I can't even cope with gun exams I had past CSa my h does not know and we been together forever but when it comes to that right after I feel guilty dirty ashamed OMG now I have lost most interest for it and I'm working on it through therapy

[Beachboxer]

((ladygunn3r)) I relate to a lot of what you have said here. I haven't had sex for 10-11 yrs, never married & my assault memories etc were only ID'd as PTSD 2 yrs ago. I was protecting myself in other ways and blocking the memories. In regards to 'batting for the other team' - I seriously allowed myself to consider that. I have several friends who do. I let myself think I was..but saw a guy I was attracted to the same day!! That ended that idea..I had never really felt attracted to a woman- that way.
My t who gently allowed me to explore these memories told me not to dig them up. She taught me grounding techniques, how to get back in the moment if I started to disassociate..and to do lots of self care. I tried to only let them come when I was safe with her. She had to leave - I am trying to find another 'specialist' My Psych doctor tries hard..but I don't think he knows lots...Be good to YOU - You are the most important person in your healing!! I hope what I shared helps you some.