[jadedbutterfly]

about rape, not graphic, but you may not want to read on.........................
Yesterday I was talking with my mother about psych issues and the topic of trauma came up. I explained things like sometimes my body reacts to anniversaries before my brain catches on,,being hyper-vigilant to sounds & smells, nightmares, flash backs . stuff like that. And then the strangest thing happened she said she doesn't remember one of the times I was raped?!?!?
I was raped in the wee hours of my 21st b-day, "friends" had left me passed out at a strangers house... woke up while it was happening. I clearlyremember driving to their home screaming the entire way, I clearly remember telling them I was raped before I jumped into the shower and scrubbed at my skin till it was raw.
She remembers me coming home and being upset... but doesn't remember me telling them that I was raped. which is also so confusing, because I remember being in their car that afternoon driving to find the house that it had happened in.
So what do I trust .... my memory or hers???????????

[anneo59]

Have seen some of your posts before and also thought you were seeking some help. Have been thru something similar as a younger woman, and tho i've worked thru much of it, and it's been work, it has left its mark. But I think it's possible to deal with the trauma. That memory thing can be tricky, and I know some of the therapies are designed to work with it. So, I don't really know what to say here. I would persist with therapy and research about your kind of PTSD, and keep moving along, even with gaps in your memory. That way, you're still moving forward! Sorry I can't come up with a better answer, but I do know it's good to keep trying to progress, even when something eludes you, or you have a setback!

[jadedbutterfly]

Originally Posted by anneo59

Have seen some of your posts before and also thought you were seeking some help. Have been thru something similar as a younger woman, and tho i've worked thru much of it, and it's been work, it has left its mark. But I think it's possible to deal with the trauma. That memory thing can be tricky, and I know some of the therapies are designed to work with it. So, I don't really know what to say here. I would persist with therapy and research about your kind of PTSD, and keep moving along, even with gaps in your memory. That way, you're still moving forward! Sorry I can't come up with a better answer, but I do know it's good to keep trying to progress, even when something eludes you, or you have a setback!

....
Thank you for your words. See my T tomorrow, I guess it is time to get working on the different trauma's.... with this T I haven't really worked through them... but mostly concentrated on coping and distraction .. Thing is my birthday is on the 16th of this month and it is scary to even think about opening up those boxes, you know?

[MotownJohnny]

I know some people disassociate and block out the worst traumas, but it doesn't sound at all like your experience. You mother may be doing that, or maybe she is purposely trying to convince you it didn't happen, perhaps thinking somehow that will help you.

I say trust yourself. I can't believe that someone would make such a thing up in their own mind, it is too painful.

Pandora's box is really tough. But it has to be faced at some point for any real chance of a cure. IMHO, anyway.

[jadedbutterfly]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

You mother may be doing that, or maybe she is purposely trying to convince you it didn't happen, perhaps thinking somehow that will help you
Pandora's box is really tough. But it has to be faced at some point for any real chance of a cure. IMHO, anyway.

.....
Maybe she trying to "help".... maybe she just buried it like all the other stuff that happened to me when I was little
I am scared to open up that box... I have been able to stay out of the hospital for a long time.... and I really really really don't want to end up there again.....

[anneo59]

Yes, think I can relate, and hope the t can help you to deal with this! I know i had to learn how to compensate and move on and it hasn't been easy. And I hope your birthday is happy and easy and you don't have too many Pandora's boxes to uncomfortably open up. I'll be thinking of you, jaded butterfly!

[tinyrabbit]

I would trust your own memory, because it is yours and you know what you have experienced.

It sounds like your mother is in denial and has blocked it out. And the fact she doesn't remember that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

[A Red Panda]

I trust my own memories much more than my family's.

You know your life. They know theirs.

I haven't read your posts so I don't know what your relationship with your mother has traditionally been like - but is there a chance that maybe she blocked it out herself because she found it traumatic herself?