[TulipsinTexas]

Hi guys, I'm a new poster. I've never posted on a forum before, so sorry if I do something wrong! I'm not sure if this is the right forum

I'm female, 21 years old, and graduating college soon.

I was abused when I was very young by a friend of my family and have PTSD and a distrust of men as a result. I never told anyone about the abuse, apart from a college counselor and the psychiatrist she sent me to, who I stopped seeing because it was too expensive, and I didn't feel like I was making progress. I've had 2 boyfriends, both short-term relationships, both ending not well because the guys were controlling and aggressive. My family never knew about them because I didn't consider them serious relationships, and my friends only knew after the fact because I'm very private.

I don't date at all anymore. When guys ask me out, I tell them I'm too busy. When my family/friends ask me why I don't have a boyfriend, I say I'm too busy. The thing is, almost everyone I'm closest to is in a relationship. My roommates, my family members, my coworkers, everyone basically. A few of them recently got significant others, and I think that's why everyone keeps wondering why I'm not dating. They aren't accepting the "I'm too busy" excuse anymore. I think because many of them are in the same boat and still manage to date. My sister told me that most of my family thinks I'm a closeted lesbian, which I'm not. Telling them the real reason is out of the question for me. I'm very private, still not very trusting, and I would hate for anyone to find out.

I know it shouldn't bother me what people think, and it's really none of their business, but they keep asking, and they want to set me up, and I don't know how to get them to stop. I know they're starting to think there's something wrong with me, and I don't want anyone to guess the truth. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has been in the same boat, and were successful in getting people of their backs?

[splitimage]

Welcome tulipsintexas. You've posted exactly right, so please don't worry about that.

You are not alone. Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse have difficulty with adult relationships and intimacy. There are specific trauma programs designed to address these issues, but I don't know if there are aany in your area. You might try talking to your counsellor about trauma specific counselling.

As for friends and family - you can always repeat the broken record "I"m just not interested / too busy right now." But I can tell you it doesn't get easier with time. I'm 43 and have never been in a relationship.

I really wish I had taken the risk when I was younger to start dating, and when I found someone compatible, told thedddm about my childhood SA and taken it really slow. I do believe that's possible.

Good luck, and post as much as you need to.

splitimage

[MotownJohnny]

Just tell people that you have decided that your education and establishing a career are your highest priorities, and you don't want the distraction of dating at this time. Tell them you intend to make that a priority in your life a few years down the road after you are established in life, and that it is a good, pragmatic decision and they need to respect that.

[A Red Panda]

Well, as you aren't settled into a permanent job yet, you can always just pull out the "I don't want to tie myself down right now. I want to focus on my education and then I want to get my career started - and I don't want to be stuck in one place because of a relationship. Once I'm settled down somewhere already then I'll start looking"

And when you get to that, well, you'll have had lots of time to think of a different reason to get them off your back. Or maybe you'll just be too far away

[JaneC]

I agree completley with all the previous posters!

Welcome, and your posting was just fine!