[markar]

Hi,
My name is Maria. I'm new to the website so I want to introduce myself. I'll probably be here a lot now that I've found this wonderful community

I know this is long, but i can really use the help. even if it's just your advice and nothing official.

I have a question that maybe some of you can help me with. I have always had severe anxiety, and my parents' divorce when I was 11 made it even worse. In 2012, my mother was diagnosed with cancer for the second time in 13 years, and I had to take care of her. I was 16 and had a lot of school responsibilities but I also had to take her to the doctor, get her prescriptions, give her pain meds, change dressings, etc. through 3 surgeries that year. At the time, I accepted this with no problem and just focused on one day at a time. Now, 2 years later, I can't stop thinking about it. I think about her getting sick again, but worse than last time. I think about what could have happened or what could still happen. I have lots of dreams about it (more like nightmares). I've had three this week since Monday, and I always wake up feeling exhausted. I am always on edge and I can never focus. Falling asleep is also challenging, as my thoughts race on and on for hours.

I've always had anxiety so I just kind of accepted it and assumed it was just part of my anxiety. But now I'm starting to think it is PTSD because I had repressed a lot of the feelings I had during that time and I can't control it any more.

I realize that what I went through was not nearly as traumatizing as serving in the military, or being attacked, but it was a highly emotional and stressful time that wore on me psychologically for almost a year, and I think my brain is finally starting to process it for the first time.

Could I have a minor form of PTSD from watching a loved one go through cancer treatment?

[HazelGirl]

You could have PTSD. Having been a witness to a serious illness, and having to take on all those responsibilities may indeed have caused PTSD. I know mine got a lot worse once my mother got sick in a similar fashion. I would have flashbacks of her groaning in pain and such. It would be a good idea to find a therapist to help you explore how her illness affected you and to help you manage the anxiety you are experiencing.

[Nightside of Eden]

A long time ago, a psychologist told me that PTSD is simply what happens when a life event exceeds a person's ability to cope. It doesn't have to have been a matter of life or death or violent the way many people think. So yes, dealing with an extended illness at such a young age could leave you with PTSD symptoms.

[Open Eyes]

((markar)),

Welcome to PC. Well, none of us here are professionals so we can't diagnose you. I am very sorry you have had so much stress and responsibility put on your shoulders.

However, if someone is put into a scenario where they are constantly under stress and in "fear" yet they remain hyper vigilant and push away their immediate fears/anxieties to keep going, yes, eventually that can produce PTSD, but not always. What concerns me about you is that you didn't have help or an actual "adult source of security" there for you either. It also sounds like your mother battled illness most of your life as well, that didn't give you a parental figure that you felt secure with and that can also produce "anxiety" to begin at an early age.

You sound like you are still very "young" yet and you have to deal with that challenging part of life as well, just growing up.

I think it is important that you find a therapist, a therapist that is a "stable" source that you can work with that can help you slowly work through all this stress from having so much responsibility put on your shoulders while you were much too young to be able to deal with it all mentally and emotionally.

How is your mother doing now?

((Hugs))
OE

[A Red Panda]

PTSD is sometimes described as "a natural response to unnatural circumstances". You were a care taker when you should have been taken care of, and you were exposed to your mother being at serious risk of death. PTSD could be a possibility.

Aside from anxiety, it sounds like you are sorta reliving the experience?

I would try going to talk to a therapist, they should be able to help you sort through what you're experiencing and could guide you to other resources if needed.

[Leah123]

Here is a link to the things that can cause a diagnosis of PTSD and all the symptoms that go with it: DSM-5 Criteria for PTSD - PTSD: National Center for PTSD

There are also some other anxiety disorders with similar symptoms. Clearly, you're suffering, and it's no wonder why, that type of awful, long-term intense care-taking along with your other issues, well, your symptoms make perfect sense to me. I hope you'll find some relief. I've found therapy to be a huge help and getting a diagnosis from a professional can give you a sense of a starting place to work from, along with just sharing with someone all the difficulties you're having now. Hope you are taking extra good and gentle care of yourself and get some support here and in-person.