[Alishia88]

.. this is a very weird phenomenon I´ve had for almost 2 months now and it came totally suddenly.

I used to have problems with having appointments early (meaning before midday or afternoon). It made me very nervous and often I couldn´t sleep at all.
It was basically never about the appointment but about having to be somewhere right after getting up or something....

But it has worsened suddenly. All of a sudden I cannot have any appointments anymore the next day. Else, I won´t sleep.
It´s crazy. It can be the most trivial thing or even nice thing, like meeting a friend.
I cannot think about anything else then. it´s so weird and frustrating.

I don´t think it´s about the appointment, but not having "autonomy" as in I "have" to be there or something.

It´s really frustrating because due to this, I´m only seeing my T irregularily now, when she had a cancellation and we can make an appointment the same day.

I really wonder what´s wrong with me. Anyone else has experience with this?

[Perna]

I sometimes have something like that and can't tell you how many friends I have blown off at the last minute by not going to a party or meeting like I said I would. The only thing that has made it better for me is to go anyway, no matter what. Thoughts and feeling controlling actions is opposite of what it is actually supposed to be, what we "do" encourages what we think and feel. So if you "don't", you think and feel more "don't" and the habit gets stronger and stronger and one gets more and more restricted. I try not to let my thoughts and feelings control me; they are just to give one advice, not to be in charge.

[Open Eyes]

Alisha, I have had that problem myself, it's part of the wanting to isolate that the PTSD presents. I agree with Perna, you have to "make" yourself do it even though you would rather isolate and stay home where there is little stimulation. You have to remember that once you get past the threshold of not going, and you get to where ever you were going, you actually are ok.

[purple sinatra]

Alishia, it's definitely a part of PTSD. I do it too. I used to always make appts., be on time for them, etc. Now, I won't make them because I will cancel them, last minute. Try working through it with your therapist or have him/her call you close to your appt. to talk you through going. I tried that with work. It might help you. You're not alone, though.

[Alishia88]

Hmm, I´m not sure if it´s the same thing really.

I don´t have a problem with the actual appointment, I tguess.

Just the night before. When I make appointments that same day, I don´t mind going.

E.g. when my T calls me and says she has an opening, in an hour or so, I can go it´s no problem.

it´s knowing the day before when I go to bed that I´m not "free" the next day and "have" to be somewhere.

Maybe it´s more like a sleep anxiety, I don´t know... I´m just weird.

[Open Eyes]

No, what you are saying is pretty much how it is with PTSD.

[purple sinatra]

Ah, i see. I agree with OE. It is definitely a symptom of PTSD.

[Alishia88]

ok, I see. But simply ignoring my symptoms is not an option for me because it would mean not sleeping at all. And I really mean not at all.

Sleep, for me is extremely important. If I sleep well, it can improve my well being and reduce anxiety. If I don´t sleep, or even if I sleep not enough,
it really tears me down. I get anxious and depressed, my heart is pounding and even though I feel so excruciatingly tired, my body won´t let me relax.
it´s really a horrible state to be in. It can become a vicious circle and it´s all really bad. So for me, sleep is very important.

There´s got to be a way to be able to sleep AND be able to go to appointments.

I was able to until December, to be remotely relaxed AND have appointments, sometimes even multiple in the week and I was doing fine.
I´m not sure what brought upon this worsened state, but knowing it CAN function, I won´t force myself into anything like that.
I think that´s part of the whole problem.
For at least 2 years I forced myself extremely past my own emotional and physical limits. I was anorexic, training ballet for sometimes 9 hours a day while hardly eating anything.
Even after I started to eat more I kept pushing and pushing myself to keep on going, training, studieing working, even though I was completley miserable and exhausted. I was only able to do this because I told myself I "had" to and I forced myself very much.
I continued until my body finally forced me to stop.

Now any kind of pressure or outside "force" easily becomes a "red rag" to me. I always have to watch out not to feel pressured and to listen to my body what it needs. And what I need...

[winter4me]

It is common, anticipatory anxiety...and I know, been there. It is something, as others have said, that you have to "make" yourself do until the feeling/experience changes...be careful, do give yourself 'special' time and attention but make it a regular, scheduled, activity/time. I was so bad years ago when I went to nursing school that, in the end, I only knew I graduated with honors by reading it in the newspaper, don't think I slept more than 2hrs a night those years, it was terrible but needed to be done....lately I am on edge totally because I am about to make a major change in my life---nights are bad (anticipating what I should/need to do the next day), morning are full of dread, (should I get up Now????)...and I will end up doing much at the last minute....
Do you have a doc? pdoc? health provider? Call and talk to them about the sleep issue, it may help to have something to take for a short while to get rest, and decrease the fears of the next day coming on.
Also, I found regular exercise really helps. (something I am not doing now but need to resume)

[Alishia88]

"don't think I slept more than 2hrs a night those years," Winter, that sounds dangerous almost... I´m glad you didn´t get seriously ill physically.

As for myself, as said before, forcing myself when my body is saying"no" is
simply not an issue for me anymore.I´ve done it and I´m through with it. It was very harmful and I know now that there are other ways.
I have put my health on top of my list.

Also, I´m not for medication.

I´d like to find out the reason "why" this sudden change in my mind appeared and what I can do about it.
As said before, this is new and something must have brought it upon.

But everyone is different, maybe this is the right approach for other people.

[Weltering]

I saw your thread title from the main forum board and had to read it, because I have that issue too. When I read your post, I though, Good Lord, I have the SAME problem.

I am DXed with bipolar, not PTSD, though. My bipolar does not cause me to fret (for days, not just the night before) about appointments, meetings or even lunch with a best friend I am super comfortable with. It's anxiety, and whatever DX or issue it is born from, it's still anxiety and like you said, you need help with it.

What you also said about the sleep is dead on. I wish everyone understood the importance of sleep. If this anxiety is isolated to the night before, is there a way to ramp up your bedtime routine? I mean, like to the max. Ex.: you have an appointment tomorrow and anticipate not sleeping tonight. Go on the offensive. Start about 5:30 or so (or as early as possible). Start winding up the day. Dinner and dishes done, homework or chores complete (you or kids). Focus on things that are quiet, relaxing, soothing. Really focus on your warm bubble bath (or shower) with lavender scents. Take it slow. Relaxing. Focus on making a perfect cup of Sleepytime tea, or great hot cocoa. My tdoc told me about a drink the Europeans use at night time- it might sound terrible but it's amazing. Warm milk with vanilla and sugar. Slowly drink a big mug of it and enjoy. You have to tune your brain into the soothing, relaxing bedtime things you are doing at the moment and STAY IN THE MOMENT, until you're ready to just pass out.

Early in the evening, be sure to completely prepare for your appointment as a way to address the anxiety and basically put it away. Your car keys, purse, checkbook or credit cards, any forms or journals you need to take with you should all be together if possible. Personally, I also have to have written a list of sort of things I want to address with my tdoc, but that's probably just me and my neurosis and tendency to wander from the topic. Anyway! Make a point to do this, make it an honest, obvious step in your mind- and be done with it for the night. "Put it to bed."

I hope something I suggested can help. If not, I can honestly say I know what you're going through and still fight it myself. Good luck.

[purple sinatra]

Alisha, Psychotherapy has helped me tremendously and it really gets to the core of the problem. I highly recommend it.

[avlady]

Sleep apnea or just the loss of good sleep? I have PTSD schitzoaffective, bipolar depression, all of these hinder me from feeling like even getting out of bed in the morning and staying awake is such a hard thing to do. Appointments, i have and am still working on keeping them but i have to say now that i see my t more often it's easier. I was teaching piano a few years back but had to quit the teaching from my home because i would get so nervous before the lessons i would cancel because i couldn't think straight and would get confused, so now i just practice for myself and don't teach anymore.

[Alishia88]

Thank you Weltering, avlady and purple sinatra for your replies.

I´m glad that I´m not the only one.
Yes, I´m in therapy and this problem has been a lot better for a long time now but has inflamed again so I´m not quite sure why.

Good news is that it CAN get better so it can get better for you too!

I think for me it can be that I´ve been doing too much before again and when I don´t have breaks in between things, I tend to get overwhelmed with outside things I need to do because I feel I don´t have enough "time" for myself or to reflect or prepare. At least I suppose so.