About three years ago, my former best friend and I completely cut communication with each other after many years of being nearly inseparable. I blocked the person on Facebook. I stopped going places we might run into each other and felt panic anytime I thought we might cross paths. Long story short, for three years, there have been places I couldn't go, people I couldn't talk to, things I couldn't do, etc. because of the fear of us meeting again. It has really caused some problems and I spend time worrying about what will happen if we ever run into each other again. I know it is almost inevitable that we eventually will. It's to the point where I regularly wish the person would die just so this part of my life can be over.

I usually think of PTSD as being related to car accidents or abuse or military service or things like that. Is it possible PTSD can come from something as simple as a longtime close friendship ending badly?

I have depression and social anxiety, and I suppose it probably doesn't matter what the name of this problem is, but I'm just curious since the persistent worry and reoccurring panic and stress related to this seem to be consistent with what I've read about PTSD. Thanks.

I'm honestly not sure whether or not what you've described is PTSD. I have some similar feelings and behaviors, and I, too, have wondered if they are a type of PTSD.

Does anyone else have any input on this?

[nummy]

Originally Posted by OPRMC

About three years ago, my former best friend and I completely cut communication with each other after many years of being nearly inseparable. I blocked the person on Facebook. I stopped going places we might run into each other and felt panic anytime I thought we might cross paths. Long story short, for three years, there have been places I couldn't go, people I couldn't talk to, things I couldn't do, etc. because of the fear of us meeting again. It has really caused some problems and I spend time worrying about what will happen if we ever run into each other again. I know it is almost inevitable that we eventually will. It's to the point where I regularly wish the person would die just so this part of my life can be over.

I usually think of PTSD as being related to car accidents or abuse or military service or things like that. Is it possible PTSD can come from something as simple as a longtime close friendship ending badly?

I have depression and social anxiety, and I suppose it probably doesn't matter what the name of this problem is, but I'm just curious since the persistent worry and reoccurring panic and stress related to this seem to be consistent with what I've read about PTSD. Thanks.

I'm no expert but seems it depend on why you aren't speaking any more. PTSD can go way way back and show itself in recent symptoms....is there trauma???

Originally Posted by nummy

I'm no expert but seems it depend on why you aren't speaking any more. PTSD can go way way back and show itself in recent symptoms....is there trauma???

We were roommates and worked together as well as being best friends for many years. I began realizing that most of my bad habits, negativity, and everything I was trying to change about myself to improve my life was being made a thousand times worse by being around this person constantly who was dealing with all the same issues and even worse than me (I was negative...this person was more negative...I was gaining weight, this person was significantly overweight, I was drinking too much...this person was drinking even more...etc). I didn't want to kill the friendship, but I did want to start minimizing our contact.

I asked this person to move out. We were sharing a tiny apartment, and aside from the enabling all of my bad habits, I was getting increasingly annoyed by how messy they were, how late the rent always was, how disrupting it was to my life to have them there. So, I asked that they move out and told them the space was too small to share and I needed to get my space back. I offered to help the person look for a new apartment and help in whatever way I could so that they could find another place and get moved. I did this to save the friendship, not end it. I knew that if we continued living together the friendship would be over in months.

I thought I handled the situation the best I could, but it didn't work. This person got angry and didn't want my help moving or finding a new place. We basically stopped talking, but still worked together. Several months passed, and I noticed this person was getting increasingly friendly with some other people who worked in the same place who had a lot of power over what went on there. We are involved in the arts, so it's kind of difficult to describe because it's not a typical office environment, but the general way things work aren't terribly different from a "normal" job...just a bit untraditional so hard to describe well. At any rate, it was obvious to me that 1) this person was slacking off and not taking their work seriously anymore 2) talking behind my back to these people in power and I have often suspected I was being blamed for this person's laziness. Somehow, I was let go from this workplace along with two others who were responsible and doing their job. And yet, this person (my old friend and now enemy) was not being let go, AND two of this person's friends got hired. To me, and the others who were let go, the whole thing looked very shady. I felt responsible for getting these other people fired by association...they didn't blame me, but I was probably to blame (though it was obviously not my intent).

This was three years ago and we haven't spoken since but have mutual friends and acquaintances. And, since we are involved in the arts which tends to involve much freelance work I feel like I am still "battling" this person who I know still talks negatively about me to this day (because others have told me about this).

So, there was no big accident or death or anything that I would associate with "trauma" which is why I don't know if the term PTSD fits or not. But, I do feel like our friendship ending led to my loss of work and continues to make it harder for me to work in some instances as well as the feelings I mentioned before about not wanting to go certain places, do certain things, see certain people in fear of running into each other.

I know there are always two sides to every story, and maybe this person is still angry about the apartment issue....I have no idea. But, I feel like I've been suffering for three years because of something I did which really was not only for my own best interests, but for this person's as well since I thought it would be best for us both to be around each other less. I sometimes think about contacting the person just to tell them this, but I really no longer want to have anything to do with this person, and renewing the friendship isn't something I want to have happen. It's just unfortunate that we couldn't have gone our separate ways on better terms. I suspect I have suffered much more from this than the other person ever did and all I was trying to do was help us both.

Of course, I should talk to a therapist about this, but can't at the moment and I guess I'm just curious if PTSD is a proper name for it or if it's just another part of my depression and anxiety, since knowing what it is might help me search for strategies to help me with it.

[Hellion]

I can't diagnose or not diagnose, but to me it doesn't sound like PTSD per say...but it does seem like you're obsessing over it so it might still be worth talking to a mental health professional about it....maybe its something you just need to work through in therapy and its not anything diagnosable, and maybe the depression and anxiety are making it harder for you to cope with it.

[atomicc]

I have dealt with a situation just like yours, the terrible ending of a very close friendship and being scared to run into them and I have also experienced PTSD.
In my opinion, what you are describing is not PTSD. It sounds more like situational anxiety. I have been there with the best friend thing, we were enemies. I was always so nervous I'd run into her that I would avoid places. We're actually good friends again, but those years we weren't were tough.

Thanks for the replies. I never thought it could be PTSD until I started taking some of the online quizzes and kept on scoring high in the PTSD area because of this, but it never made sense to me that it could be PTSD. Guess I'll file it under, situational anxiety made worse by depression, social anxiety, ocd, and whatever else is wrong with me!

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by OPRMC

Thanks for the replies. I never thought it could be PTSD until I started taking some of the online quizzes and kept on scoring high in the PTSD area because of this, but it never made sense to me that it could be PTSD. Guess I'll file it under, situational anxiety made worse by depression, social anxiety, ocd, and whatever else is wrong with me!

It would make sense you would score high on that with that situation online quizzes are kind of vauge much of the time and can sometimes be helpful to point one in the right direction to perhaps get help or support with issues they're having but they aren't entirely accurate..but yeah it sounds more like trouble coping and being reasonably upset. I've always been pretty upset when friendships end or if i realize the supposed friend was just taking advantage and it becomes blatently obvious. I mean I still think about some of those things sometimes and have difficulty dealing with it....but its not the same as when I think about things related to trauma that led up to the PTSD.

Originally Posted by Hellion

It would make sense you would score high on that with that situation online quizzes are kind of vauge much of the time and can sometimes be helpful to point one in the right direction to perhaps get help or support with issues they're having but they aren't entirely accurate..but yeah it sounds more like trouble coping and being reasonably upset. I've always been pretty upset when friendships end or if i realize the supposed friend was just taking advantage and it becomes blatently obvious. I mean I still think about some of those things sometimes and have difficulty dealing with it....but its not the same as when I think about things related to trauma that led up to the PTSD.

Right..the vagueness was what confused me. Those tests always ask things like, "Do you avoid specific people, places, and activities due to a past experience?" or something along those lines, and I answer with a yes and then I end up with a high score in the PTSD section. But, I have one friend with PTSD from being in a fire, another friend who has it from something in their childhood they don't want to talk about, and lost another friend who had PTSD from being in the military and eventually killed themselves. My situation didn't sound like any of those things.

[Hellion]

Yeah its a good thing if you don't have PTSD, it is a horrible disorder...it would be sort of like what you are experiencing except like 100x worse with the added bit about having been in a situation where you're life was in danger or you perceived it to be in danger so your minds stuck thinking you're in danger all the time, certainly not fun to live with.

But if you have a therapist it might be good to talk to them about this issue, and maybe just get some support with it...even if its not PTSD it still seems to be bothering you quite a lot so addressing it in therapy might be helpful.

[nummy]

Have you ever been in a situation where there was both like, loss, and rejection so bad it felt like trauma? Like even if you were a child? People end friendships all the time, but sounds like something set you off. If no trauma, maybe you have just a fear if rejection maybe? Just throwing that out there to see if it helps.

Originally Posted by nummy

Have you ever been in a situation where there was both like, loss, and rejection so bad it felt like trauma? Like even if you were a child? People end friendships all the time, but sounds like something set you off. If no trauma, maybe you have just a fear if rejection maybe? Just throwing that out there to see if it helps.

Well, my entire group of friends in 8th grade turned on me one day out of nowhere and told me I was no longer one of them without any explanation which seemed like a pretty huge deal at 13/14 years old even though looking back on it, it doesn't seem like much. Basically just made me completely alone and isolated because they were literally the only people I knew. I've been pretty untrusting of people ever since that day and it made the rest of the school year horrible. One of them started trying to pick fights with me to impress the others so he would just walk up to me every day and start punching me and I didn't want to fight so I just took it and walked away. That's the only thing I can think of that might be sort of like what you're talking about, but that was 15+ years ago.

From the sounds of it, I'm not dealing with the same stuff as the rest of you with PTSD. It was only the online tests that kept telling me I had it that made me think to ask here. I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety and possible manic episodes, but ptsd was never mentioned. I tend to be a very obsessive person, so I think it's just the depression and anxiety and obsessive thoughts all coming together to make me unable to stop thinking about this situation.

[Open Eyes]

OPRMC, only a professional can diagnose you really. We are not professionals here.
It definitely sounds like you are dealing with anxiety though. I will say that PTSD "can" happen from bullying, it doesn't have to be a big trauma.

If you can find time to see a therapist for a while, that could help you get the support you need to work through all of this.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

OPRMC, only a professional can diagnose you really. We are not professionals here.
It definitely sounds like you are dealing with anxiety though. I will say that PTSD "can" happen from bullying, it doesn't have to be a big trauma.

If you can find time to see a therapist for a while, that could help you get the support you need to work through all of this.

Thanks, yes, I hope to be able to see a therapist again soon, but can't at the moment so it's good to at least hear from others here even though I can't be officially diagnosed.