[Hellion]

Was just hit with a massive wave of what felt like depression, it felt so horrible all I could think was 'make it stop' had somewhat suicidal thoughts and then just got very anxious..or more like deathly afraid and felt like I was reliving that stupid traumatic incident but kept trying not to be sucked into it. So I was curled up on my bad like an insane person just telling myself 'you're here, you're here, you're not there but couldn't move and felt trapped...after all its not just fight or flight it seems like there is mental paralysis mode to

Still anxious and feeling very hypervigalent like there could be a threat around any corner and detatched I know its in my head and its not real but its how I feel hopefully it will pass. Damn do I hate this so much torment from my own mind.

Honestly don't even know if I would be able to actually talk IRL at this point haven't tried so hopefully no one asks me any questions...to focused on debating whether Its safe to go outside and have a cigarette which objectively I am sure it is but I have a strong urge to just hide in my room.

[Open Eyes]

(((Hellion))),

I am sorry you had an episode. You are handling it right, just do the self soothing and wait for it to pass. Do you have a TV in your room? Sometimes I find that very helpful to distract my brain and also get it back into the here and now. Always remember these episodes do pass, but yes, they are inconvenient and tiring, I know.

(((Gentle Hugs)))
OE

[Hellion]

Uhh it was horrid and past...just makes me feel like ending it as it's unpleasant and makes me feel freaking pathetic, though I know that is no way to think about it...its not like I have much defense from being hit with all that at once...don't even know what the trigger was. I am ok now for today, just been trying to relax and not really do much else sort of working on cleaning my room some.

But yeah I have a t.v with a ps3 so I have netflix and a couple free games I downloaded that aren't too great...still have to buy some, but gotta be careful not to overspend on things like that till I am sure I have other things covered like food since I barely get foods stamps now.