TRIGGER: Dealing with the aftermath of triggering ...

Just thought I'd try to reach out, here, as I have sorely tried my family's patience tonight. They have that tight clenching around the jawline that lets me know they still love me, but need space.

Totally idiotic situation, too - stranger comes to the door - it's local voting season! - and family member opened the door (!) started giving stranger information about people living here ("I think my sister in law [me] is a democrat..").

Our house sits back from the main house - you have to do some exploring to get here. And it's starting to get dark...

I started to circle like a shark, tried to call my sister in the house under some pretense ["I think the kitchens on fire!"], tried to end the conversation and get the stranger away, especially as she began writing names down of the voters in the house...making small talk about personal information (where you are from, what you do for a living, etc).

I went monkey-***** nuts. Points to me, managed to scream softly, more of a rageful hiss - but plenty of stamping, hot tears. Gave family unsolicited lecture they shouldn't allow strangers to just come up to the house, shouldn't give out personal info, if they want to give out their info, don't give out mine, etc. Feel like I emotionally "messed" myself.

Briefly, PTSD origins in stranger stalking and prior assault - ANYONE showing up, uninvited, at the door makes me feel vulnerable, frightened, violent, want to control everyone to make it safe again. I feel safe where we live, and my room is my sanctuary, so it makes no sense that I feel this terrible. My heart is still pounding so hard, I feel like I am having a heart attack. Sweating, rocking - felt like breaking out of the door and going after stranger with the broom - took all my self control not to do this. Still irrationally crying. Feel sick.

Have a little index card notebook I carry with me, with skills I can use/things I can do to help when triggered, depressed, etc. But feel like a failure because the PTSD just surged out of me in such an unexpected eruption of pure reaction! Does this ever end?

Am trying to make light of it, see the humor. Granted, it's not so constant/debilitating as it used to be, but thought I had moved into a more logical stage.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I have no history of stalking and hate when these people come to my door nosing around. You were right to be angry. No one should be giving your personal info to strangers no matter who they are. Maybe you went a bit ape s**t but so what. At least they all got the message loud and clear. I have a sign on my door that reads - No Religion, No Politics, No Selling, No Charities - I had to be specific because some people didn't know what No Soliciting meant

I would haes my personal info given out also, and have had several conversations with my wife regarding her penchant for telling anyone everything about us (individually and as a couple). I try to answer the door with my biggest snake around my neck (tends to send people scurrying off, or we have a conversation educating about reptiles which deflects their hunt for info). We have a ton of solicitors, a few of whom have ended up casing for burglary (no one ever comes here to try because of the dogs and snakes. They figure it's too much trouble, but many neighbors have been robbed). I hate giving out personal info, or anything that I chose not to disclose. I have not had stalking by strangers, but by acquaintances. It sucks. Take a breath and maybe have a conversation (again?) About not giving out your info to random strangers. Everyone has their right to privacy.

[QUOTE=ThisWayOut;3764019]I would haes my personal info given out also, and have had several conversations with my wife regarding her penchant for telling anyone everything about us (individually and as a couple). I try to answer the door with my biggest snake around my neck (tends to send people scurrying off, or we have a conversation educating about reptiles which deflects their hunt for info).QUOTE]

LOL...I think I'll get myself a snake!

(((Bolivar))),

I can't blame you for getting angry, other people should not be giving a stranger information about you like that. Anyone can get angry about that, but the PTSD magnifies the anger, so take some quiet time and do your best to calm down.

I don't like solicitors of any kind myself so I don't answer the door, and I hang up on them if they call on the phone too.

((Hugs))
OE

Wanted to say Thank You to all of you for your thoughtful responses, SkyWhite, OpenEyes, and ThisWayOut. It helps to be validated, and for others to be able to see past the crazy and understand the behaviour underneath. I appreciate your feedback.

I had to hide out for a few days to recover - it brings back so many feelings and memories I just pull into myself. Stalking makes you feel extremely exposed - there is no protective layer. And there is paranoia that even snippets of seemingly harmless information, once out of your control, can be used to hurt and manipulate. Know I sound absolutely mad, but the most innocent questions make me tense. Thank you all for your understanding and taking the time to post.

I may seriously consider investing in a snake....

Oh you are welcome (((Bolivar))), most, if not all people with PTSD can understand your reaction. I am glad you came here and talked it out, it may cut down that need for alone and calm down time. IMHO, all emotional reactions, even anger deserves to be heard and validated.