[EJ711]

Came back to my first day of teaching class to find a summary of student evaluations from last semester in my inbox.

My first semester teaching I received "Excellents" on all 14 criteria. This past semester I got 10 "Excellents" and four "Goods", but wound up with an overall Good -- not Excellent rating.

Last semester I had 25 students in my class, and the classroom was not large enough to lend itself to group discussion and projects. I still did some, but not as many as I would have liked ideally. To summarize, things that are out of my control, are bringing down my overall rating.

An overall rating of B is not really bad, but it triggered danger bells in the back of my mind, because of my experience at my employer of 17 years, which happened five years ago around this time of year.

In that case which was different, they made up a bunch of lies and documented them in writing before kicking me out, not even referencing the lies, and telling me my job had been eliminated. I was one of ultimately 14,000 people nationwide, who lost their jobs. Most of us who were targeted for the lay-off were "coincidentally" over 50.

Maybe I'm suffering burnout, because of the crazy pay schedule at the school. I won't receive my first paycheck until after I have taught for two whole months, which means March 20th.

The stupid evaluations made me feel like I was kicked in the stomach, and part of me just wants to throw in the towel.

I'm not going to do anything rash, but wanted to reach out for some support if anyone understand what I'm saying/feeling.

EJ

[lenjan]

Maybe you need to lower your expectations/standards? There's nothing wrong with a B rating, particularly if there weren't any snarky comments to go along with the ratings. I had a kid once "downgrade" me on an eval because I, in passing, made a throwaway joke about broadcasters (I'm a print person) and he happened to be a broadcast major.

10 Excellents and 4 Goods still are going to get you a job for next semester (assuming you want it). I know it's hard not to take personally, but keep in mind these are 20-year-old or younger kids at a community college. (Consider the source, in other words.) Try not to let your self-worth get wrapped up in it.

(((((((((((((EJ)))))))))))

--CB (a 4-year veteran of private university teaching)

[(JD)]

I'm glad you are able to at least THINK that you are being triggered because of the timing and the previous issue, and how you are still ABOVE average!!! How kewl is that!

You get an "A" from me at PC for support! Does that help your average?

[EJ711]

Hi Sky,

I know I'm being triggered, but don't know how to shut off the alarm still going off at the back of my brain. PTSD reactions make me feel so stupid.

I can't believe how I have gone from enjoying teaching despite all of the work and stress, to suddenly feeling like the reward/work ratio isn't great enough.

I'm feeling blind-sided by the perceived criticism from my students. My class last semester had high-end students, and low-end students, and very few in the middle. I know I reached some of the low-end students, and made a big difference in their lives.

If I can have a good class this week, maybe I will feel differently.

I did get an "A" on my appearance and ability to express myself. Not so bad for an "old lady" of 59.

Thanks for letting me express myself. Eventually that way you can usually get to a better place in your brain.

EJ

[EJ711]

Hi Candy,

Most of the time my high expectations and standards work well for me. I've been self-talking myself all week telling myself this is not a big deal, but part of me is screaming, "No it's not!".

There were no snarky remarks. With the exception of one where I thought the student was clueless, I agreed with the remarks.

Part of me has been saying to me, "What are we doing teaching college?" I don't have any teaching training, and while I developed and designed complex technical and business-element economic cost studies for 13 years of my career, the economic classes I have been asked to teach are less interesting and relevant to me personally.

The pay is lousy, and my class is packed with 25 students, whereas the men have about 13 students each.

Oh well, I know life isn't fair. I think the grief from the loss of my brother, which is hitting me hard this year after 33 years -- why now? -- is making it all seem worse.

EJ

[Zen888]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((EJ)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

EJ

Having been a university student myself and done many evaluations of my profs.............I know it's easier said than done........don't take the evaluations too personally or beat yourself up.......at the end of the semester......you either like your prof or not......or because they gave you low marks.......some students return the favour.

((((((((((((((((((((((EJ)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[EJ711]

Pilatus,

Thank you for your input.

Actually, pretty much everybody in my class got A's and B's - there was only one C and one F. However, with such a big class it was hard to get to know everybody and give them the kind of attention I like to give.

Hugs,

EJ

[(JD)]

There is never a good time to be dealing with a loss. Do your best. By your own admission you are doing better than the average teacher who does (or is supposed to) know what he/she is doing!

You're providing a course for students who want to learn. They generally like you too! AND you are getting some pay for it... go with it while you can, imo.

Perhaps the male instructors put a cap on their classes? Or perhaps they don't draw the larger classes because they aren't as good as you?

[EJ711]

Sky,

Thanks for your additional insights.

I've missed your terribly!

(((((((((((((Sky)))))))))))))))

Love,

Jane