very anxious student

Hey all. I teach music privately. I try to make my lessons fun and an enjoyable experience for my students. However, I have one student who appears to be suffering from intense anxiety over not performing his pieces perfectly. His body get very tense when he plays. He gets mad at himself if he cannot get a particular song perfectly right if it has been assigned for a few weeks. He is doing intermediate to advanced pieces and I think he is doing fine. He constantly asks how he is doing compared to others. He is 13 years old and I'm getting worried about him.

Hi CMS,

Have you tried reassuring him that he is doing OK. I know that alot of people (including myself) require lots of reassurance. Talk to him calmly and say "Your doing great", or "Keep up the good work". Positive reinforcment. If the problem continues to worsen, I would talk with his parents. Maybe there is something else going on in the childs life that is causing some added anxiety.
Please keep us posted.

((((((((((((((CMS)))))))))))))))

Huggles,

Jen

What a wonderful teacher you must be to care so much!

Have you discussed with him that it's noticeable? If he wants to succeed that badly, he might figure out a way in his own mind how to calm that down? I know that when my anxieties were so high that others would comment, but yet I felt I had no control, I would figure out a way to get things under control...even as a child. It's strange, but I could always do it when someone commented. It was a valuable tool to practice when I later began to sing publicly.

So possibly if you kindly mention this, he might know already inside what he needs to do? If not, you could mention a breathing technique, or going to a safe/fun place in mind before playing? I knew that a stiff, frightened looking singer would take away from the total performance...greatly.

Possibly you could get him really comfortable in talk, laugh, etc., then just when you see his body at the most relaxed point it out to him and ask him to recognize his body right at that moment...recognize the feelings, the muscles relaxed, etc. Then ask him how he thinks he might keep that same feeling while he's going to his instrument. He might be able to figure out a way to do just that.

I hope you keep us posted on this. What a treasure you must be as a teacher.

KD

Dear CMS, Hi. Is somebody on the outside telling him he sucks? What a challenge for you to try to figure out. 13 has got to be a brutal age for a kid these days, identity wise. What is normal anyway? Where do I stack up in the pile?

You being a point of stability for him could be a huge gift in and of itself. In your presence he's doing great, right on track, etc.. Lotsa reinforcement, lotsa reminders to breath. Maybe you could do a couple minutes of relaxation stretches and breathing at the beginning of each lesson. Structure it in, share with him that you're learning as you go to, willing to try new things. Make the lesson time be more than "just" a piano lesson. One person caring saved my life.

He might be worried that hes not good enough by people at school or at home. If his self esteem has been compromised it will leave him feeling like he is a failure. If his parents are fighting over finances he could feel like he is or his classes are an extreme burden.
Just a few possibilty's

I was a teachers aid for a bit and one of the rooms I worked in was music because I can read and play music on a variety of instruments. One thing I noticed about this one teacher is that no matter how horrid the child played the teacher would make a comment like WOW no one playa that piece like you did. GREAT job. I asked why she did that when her and I both knew in some instances it shows the child has not practiced that week. She laughed and said everyone no matter who it is young or old needs to know they are good for something and accomplishing something with their time. Most kids in music lessons are there not for themselves and alot of times don't want to be there, and who would when after a piano lesson go play and find out all that they missed out on. in Most cases their parentsput them into lessons either because they felt it would do them good or they need to fulfill a school corriculun requirement. So first she goes out of her way to make each childs lesson special by finding music by their favorite singers, at the very least the child is going to be able to play one handed the melody line, and two she always finds something to say to the effect that they were the best at something in their lesson. It doesn't matter if its true or not. The child feels wanted and doesn't feel like the music is a waiste of their time so why bother, and the child alot of times if the parents have forced the lessons on the child is most likely asking the child how they did. Bad enough not wanting to be there but have mom and dad grill them on their progress? thats stress. so she gives the child something outstanding to talk about with their parents by doing this. There were three music teachers at that school and her students were the only ones that entered and left happy and cheerful with themselves and their playing.

Thank you for all your helpful posts. I had this student today and he was much better. One thing I did try is sitting a little farther back and looking away as he played. This way he probably didn't feel scrutinized. I also gave him lots of reassurance and we chatted a little about his Thanksgiving. I always put a little humor in the lessons with the little ones but I have to remember to do it with the older ones too!

CMS,

Thanks for the update. I am gald that today was better for him. I am sure you are a wonderful teacher. Keep up the good work.

Huggles,

Jen

Hi. I am one of those very anxious students. I am a nervous wreck when I have to sing in front of my teacher, and I have been learning for years. I do the breathing and I try to relax but I totally feel out of control. I cannot help this terrible fear that grips me. I feel like I should be able to stop it but I cannot. It's so awful. I spend hours and hours practising and I try really hard but the anxiety always causes my performance to suffer greatly. I have had counselling, I have had all the stuff that is supposed to help. But I'm still terrified. It makes me cry. I want to do well and I am told that I have an amazing gift but the fear ruins everything. I can't control it. I can't make it go away, I have tried. It's like I have no power over it. You will probably all say that I am wrong but you seriously don't know how it is. It's just something I can't seem to overcome. I feel powerless. I teach music lessons myself and I think I'm more scared than the students are.
Hope this isn't getting off the topic..

Yo 1, Yer in good company. Barbra Streisand can hardly ever pull herself through her panic attack thng in order to perform-- even after all these years in the biz. She goes years between shows. Is very picky about friendly audiences, etc.. Can you sing with your eyes shut and focus on the music?
Wear sunglasses? Am I being stupid? Singing is so good for our overall health... sharing music is such a wonderful way to connect with people, touch hearts, I hope you can move this one and sing yer freaking heart out whenever you freaking want to!!! ok?